Sex and Being Upset

Sex and Being UpsetWhen you are carrying upset in your heart, be it sadness, making someone wrong, holding resentment, judgment or anger, sexual energy may be missing and at most, going into the act of sex will be for the wrong reasons.

The idea of sex is a very personal matter, and when there is any upset at the person you hold the most dear to your heart, it makes sense that the sexual drive may be lacking or absent all together.  Is it more important to you to have sex, or is it more important to you to be connected to the person you love? What I mean is, do you find yourself driven by the desire of sex more than the drive to have love in your heart with the person dearest to you?

Perhaps the person dearest to you, you have given up on, or perhaps you have been resigned about something you are upset about and have decided not to deal with it, talk about it or confront it with the person. When I say “Being Upset”, I mean simply being upset. Not everyone is willing to admit that they are just simply upset with the person they love. They might find it more appealing to focus instead on sex, or focus instead on another person, or another activity. But when it comes down to it and after much time has passed, the reality is you may be upset with someone. Maybe you left the relationship all-together and are even trying to date someone new, but don’t even know why you are 1. either not attracting anyone new in your life, or 2. are not feeling fulfilled by the new person, or 3. have no sexual drive with the new person at all. Consider that you just may be upset with the person you were previously with, and on many levels still love them very much!

If you are still open to the person you deeply love, cheers to you for realizing your love, and being committed to waiting until the time is right to work out your differences.  Not everyone is willing to wait to work things out. Many people often give deadlines and say, “I will give you 6 months,” or “I will give you 1 year to x,” or “If this doesn’t work out by the end of this year or next year xxx….” and what you have is an ultimatum, and ultimately a heart that is blocked and shut down, and incompletion with a solution with the exact person you love the most!

When your heart is shut down from the person you love the most, do you still have sex with them? What is your sex like? Does it satisfy and fulfill you? Or do you feel something is missing and an emptiness?

No one is perfect, and upset happens. You are a human being. We all have upsets. They come and go and then you work it out.  But when you don’t work it out, what do you do? How do you deal with your upsets with the person you love the most? Do you avoid them, walk away and try to resolve it on your own? Do you talk to your friends for advice? Do you shut out the world and pretend it didn’t happen?

And when there is something missing with the person you love the most, do you know that you are actually just holding onto something, and upset with them?

Sometimes the act of forgiveness, love, and letting go of something that happened or how you are feeling about someone close to you is harder than many people know. Deciding to forgive someone, and telling yourself you forgive them, is not nearly the same as truly dealing with your feelings, unraveling them as far as they need to go, and then knowing 100% for sure you have forgiven them is a completely different thing! Admitting to yourself that you are upset, your feelings are hurt and telling the real truth to the person you love, is the first step in truly forgiving them, and when you can do that, you just might start to unravel your feelings and open up your heart again! And if your heart is open, doesn’t it only make sense that your sexual drive returns, your passion and your state of peace and satisfaction? :-)

It is a true gift! And, sometimes we need an outside person to kick us in the head and open our eyes! And then, all the rewards show up!

Namaste,

Asttarte

Sexual Frustration and Anger

Sexual Frustration and Anger

 

Sexual Frustration and Anger; it saddens me when this shows up, but in fact sexual energy and the emotion of anger all too often come together and in many ways are merged as though they are one thing. Many times anger comes before the sexual frustration, and in particular when a relationship ends and ones needs aren’t being met, sexual frustration and pent up sexual energy holds in passion. When this passion does not have an opportunity to be held, loved and supported, it often then turns into anger.

The energy of anger is so strong, many people can pick up on it from miles away, from a short or far distance and over the phone. If someone is not feeling fulfilled in their sexuality, perhaps solely just taking care of their own needs but missing out on the connection of another, anger can be the prevalent emotion one experiences.  This one emotion can be the predominant energy in ones being and take over every single interaction one has. If one has the desire to control, dominate and manipulate situations to their favor, and lacks the ability for sympathy, empathy, kindness, compromise, compassion or patience, anger may be the emotion hiding and controlling you.

Also, anger shows up when their is unresolved issues in the past, and perhaps the person is not yet ready to face the past, look in the mirror of how they are really feeling, and instead wants to project all their feelings towards everyone around them. The anger can be easily sorted out, processed and dealt with, but if someone is not willing to admit how they are feeling, cannot be honest with themselves or you, any amount of talking to them or convincing is wasted energy. You cannot convince anyone who cannot even be honest with themselves, nor does talking help you as the person who cares about them. The best thing often to do, is walk away, and let them come back later with their own discoveries, their own answers and admit to you their feelings or experience.

Doing any sort of healing in the sexual healing world, can stir up A LOT of dark feelings, and go to a very dark place. And when someone who is seeking healing in the sexual realm is not willing to do their inner work, it can be a very unsafe place for practitioner and seeker to go. It can be a very vulnerable place for both, and working together at this level must be met with an agreement, an understanding and a true willingness for the seeker to be the student, to learn, surrender to the teachings and open their heart to heal anything and everything that presents itself that is ready to come to the surface and heal.

Our culture, of 2014, in the United States is filled with many people who have a lot of dense, dark energy, a lot of fear and anger, AND a lot of mixed messages of what tantra means and even to the extent that people are guarded when it comes to healing themselves or judge themselves thinking they do not need healing when what they are doing is going by a misconception of what society has labeled the terms “healing”, or “therapy” or “counseling”. And, in fact, there is confusion with the term “tantra” itself. The term tantra, in fact is NOT meant to be a sexual word. Turning its meaning into sexuality has been adopted by the porn industry, and in fact, this has confused the consumer and the audience to its true meaning of yoga, healing and enlightenment.

Tantra all on its own, is a VERY powerful word. Sexuality, all on its own, is a very powerful word. And, anger, all on its own, is a very powerful word! Separating each word to define what each truly means, and help those who want healing to know what healing is, how it may help them, and how they have the power to walk into their own heart, to find love, beauty and joy!

This is my mission and this is my path! I love all of you!

Asttarte

Sexual Energy and Stress

Sexual Energy and Stress Sexual Energy and Stress

When your sexual energy is missing, there is often a reason. Perhaps your energy is going towards dealing     with a stressful situation. Perhaps you are taking on the energy at work.  Perhaps someone you love needs   your attention and support, or maybe you are exhausted or dealing with something in your body that is   causing your energy to give it its attention.

If you are at the affect of your surroundings, it will impact your energy in your own body, your level of   stress, your vitality and your passion.  And, also, when you are going through a health situation that is   taking up most of your bodies energy, that too will deplete your sexual energy and cause your body to put its energy where it is needed.

Keep in mind, all of these situations are temporary. You have the power to purify your energy and come back to your vitality, and you have the power to regain your health, and bring back your bodies natural resources, gifts and qualities.

Don’t push pressure on yourself to be perfect and have your ultimate natural sexuality the way it was before. Know that it will return, and you have the power to do so. And, your best quality is patience with yourself, love for your body and knowing who you are, and surrendering to the present moment so you can do your spiritual practice, your healing practice and your health routine.

What are you dealing with in your health that is affecting your sexuality?

What you are dealing with in your life that is causing you stress, anxiety or repression in your sexuality?

Let’s meet together to do a spiritual practice, chakra healing and energy purification to help the process along!

If you have questions, please ask!

Love,

Asttarte

Awakening Bliss

awakening bliss

Awakening Bliss

“In order to access your full potential of bliss,
you have to clear the muck that’s in the way!

We are all Spiritual beings living in a physical body. Our spiritual body is mostly unknown to people on the planet; except those who are conscious and on the path. It is my pleasure and joy to work with those who are on the path, and to those who are not, to learn the power and value in getting started.

I offer you many techniques and practices on this website that took me many years to learn and practice, and many more to master. It is the utmost importance to allow the spirit to be of a significant factor in your journey of reflection, your recovery to healing, your awakening to the divine, and your passionate desire to connect to others.

Bliss is not something that can be achieved through simple pleasures of the ego, the mind or the body. Bliss is achieved through connecting to something much bigger than we all are – the metaphysical, transcendental, ethereal and energetic part of ourselves that lies not only inside of us, but all around us. Achieving bliss is a state of mind through conscious efforts in connecting to our spiritual selves.

Bliss can be achieved through the body, but there are always energetic blocks that keep us from fully expanding and opening into a higher vibration that our divine being is craving for us to embrace. When we can merge the physical body with the spiritual body, we can then achieve a full body state of ecstatic bliss.

When You Want Your Husband and Someone else shows up!

When You Want Your Husband and Someone Else Shows UpWhen You Want Your Husband and Someone Else Shows Up. This is the pitfall of many relationships. A woman is craving connection with the man she loves, and what happens is that her man is unavailable. He’s busy or preoccupied, or his interest has dwindled and he has other concerns and things he wants to focus on. She’s deeply saddened and desperate to gain his attention, but he’s always somewhere else, emotionally or physically.

In a Polyamorous Marriage this is perfectly fine. There is an agreement between both partners that they are allowed to be with other lovers, so long as the structure of the relationship is maintained. However, if the foundation of the marriage is rocky, or there has been very little connection, intimacy and commitment between the two partners, straying from the marriage can feel like cheating, or in Christian terms “committing adultery”.

When you’re in love with your husband (or significant beloved) and there is no intimacy, your heart tears up inside. You want his commitment. You want his willingness to do what it takes to be there for you, stay by your side and give you his all! But when you have waited and waited for him to show up in this way, and all of a sudden someone else shows up, most of the time, it is like God giving you the gift you have been waiting for! You fall prey to this new amazing being that you are so deeply drawn to, and your wish has been granted.  Then the big question is: what do you do next? Do you continue to wait for the man you deeply love, or do you continue to fall into the arms of another? How long are you truly willing to wait? If waiting is putting your life on hold, perhaps waiting is not what your supposed to be doing anyway. Perhaps, you ARE supposed to be enjoying life and just surrender to what life gives you!

Read more posts for women at HealingSacredWoman.com

Intimate Love with Your Partner

Intimate love with Your PartnerMost people dream about being close to the person they love the most. They often wake up from dreams in the morning of their wife or husband that they are distant or separated from; just succumbing to the what’s so. Their heart aches to be close to them; even though their mind often tells them they don’t like this about them, or that, or that they’ll never agree or be able to compromise on anything. Couples often stay in the wishful thinking stage, or suppressing their truest hearts desires and just accepting that the relationship won’t get any better, when in fact, this is simply not true.

Perhaps you are blaming yourself for your relationship being distant, or you are blaming your partner, and put all your anger on him or her.  Perhaps you’ve given up on the relationship all together because you don’t know what’s possible, and you end up believing what you truly desire is not possible at all.

Many women stay in an unhappy relationship, not knowing how to change things, or their partner and wishing he will change. Many men don’t make an effort at all; even though they tell themselves they want to heal the relationship or be close to their wife, and go to a mistress, a sex parlor, an erotic salon, a sex surrogate, or an escort just to try to fill the void and lack of intimacy they are getting with the partner they really love. They make no effort to heal the root cause; nor try to heal their own issues so that his wife might fall back in love with him all over again.

But what men and women both crave deeper than anything in the world, is to feel a deep intimate connection with the person they love, that they married or are in a committed relationship with. People don’t want to have to go to other lovers, or temporary affairs to avoid the pain of the distance with their partner. What their heart craves more than anything, is to be held and caressed in the arms of their lover, their wife or husband and to know that the person they deeply love, cares for them, accepts them, and deeply desires them and loves them in return. It is a dream come true when their beloved can return their love to the man or woman they are the closest to, and fall in love all over again with the same person.

It is totally possible that you can fall in love again, with the same person, and in fact, fall in love with this same person over and over again! I can help you fall in love again, and remove the emotional pain, blocks, upsets and disappointments that have gotten in the way of the innocent freshness and intimate love you deserve!

Pink Tantra

Tantra and Intimacy

Tantra and IntimacyYou’re in bed with your hunny, and she’s laying on her side, facing the other direction. You’re horny as a firecracker and you can’t seem to get anything to make her turn over and make love to you. You wish you could get some satisfaction and pleasure her and feel fulfilled yourself.

You had an argument earlier that day. In fact, you have many arguments many days and they seem to go on and on. Now that you think about it, this has been going on for months, maybe even years. But you’re still that horny little fire cracker you were when you first met. Your Sexual drive is as high as its ever been, but the love between the two of you is missing. You wish you could just make love and have it all go away, but that never seems to work. And, now you’re laying in bed, its late at night and you have the perfect opportunity to make love, and she isn’t into it. (or you aren’t).

When it comes to Tantra, anything will turn you on, but when it comes to intimacy, someone’s heart is broken and you don’t know why or how to mend it.

Schedule a Session in Relationship Coaching, and together, we as a Team, can discover what is in the way of having the intimacy you desire and turn that relationship around!

Once we’ve tackled the Relationship, then we can go to work on Tantra Training or Healing Sessions and have the Ultimate Relationship of YOUR DREAMS!!!!

A Thriving Relationship

The difference between a thriving relationship and sinking a rocky boatA Thriving Relationship

Being pro-active ~

Turning your relationship to amazing:

 
Impeccability

Being Responsible – & Being Willing to be Wrong

Trust

Integrity

Honesty

Vulnerability

Acknowledgment

Honoring Your Word

Surrender

Kindness

Consideration – Putting the Others Needs First

Respect

Selflessness – Giving without Receiving – Loving

Being Present

Listening

Patience

Flexibility

Speaking the Truth & Communicating

Being a Team, supporting each other even you you’re not around, your dreams, visions, goals and desires

Being lazy ~
Turning your relationship to sour:

 

Judgment

Expectations

Placing Blame

Holding Grudges

Trauma or Being Incomplete with your past

Anger or Resentment

Comparing

Lack of Acknowledgment

Taking for Granted/Assuming they will always be there

Not Appreciating

Being Lazy, Procrastinating or not Following Through on what you said

Needing to Be Right

Lack of Commitment – Doing Everything but spending time together

Selfishness – Only Considering how you feel, expecting to get what you want, getting your needs met and not the others

Attachment

Jealousy/Possessiveness

Manipulation

Keeping Secrets & Lack of Communication

Doing what you want, despite what the other person feels. ~ A Solo Team

It’s much easier to be lazy than to be pro-active, but if you want to keep your relationship, revitalize your intimacy and be filled with love, there are some things to consider.

People Don’t Want True Tantra

 People Don't Want True Tantra

It saddens me that in our majority of our culture people don’t want true tantra; nor do they know what true tantra really is. The sex industry, and the porn industry have bought the term tantra, so most people in our society believe it to be something it is not truly meant to be. There is a fine line between tantra and the sexual and that’s where it gets confusing, but most only understand it to be a sexual practice, and not a yogic one. However, true tantra has the foundations and deep training of simple yogic philosophy, emotional healing, chakra healing, energy clearing, deep breathing, meditation, pranayama breath work, awareness and true surrender to the emotions and deep journeying of the emotions in the body. All of these things are NOT sexual at all. However, they are tantric. Many would say that going deep into the emotional process is not a tantric practice, however, if you study enough, go back far enough in the ancient teachings, get shamanic training with the ancient ancestors, and do your spiritual training LONG enough, you will discover the power in it and that in fact it is a tantric journey. Because EVERYTHING is tantric. Everything has to do with surrendering deep enough, and long enough into the self, and that is a Yoga practice.

However, many yogi’s in our culture believe that they need to abstain from the sexual, and that incorporating the sexual into their yogic practice is like breaking a rule, just like in the Christian or Catholic Religion says to abstain from sex until marriage.  In the end, this Yoga Teaching and the restriction of Christian Religion almost is the same thing. Neither are about honoring your true natural body and your true heart.  They want you to control it.  However, yoga is tantra, and tantra is yoga. It is about surrendering to the body, the feelings, the energy, the emotions and the space of what is. That makes the term tantra unlimited, and controlling its definition is impossible. Just like limiting the term tantra to just the spiritual is impossible as well. However, tantra is sacred, and many who believe to know its meaning automatically and immediately want to take it to the place of the sexual, and this is not sacred.  Assuming it will go there, or forcing it go there, and trying to control it is certainly NOT yogic and certainly NOT spiritual, nor is it sacred.  And I found that in working as a Tantric Healer for SO long that many did come with the thought in the back of their mind that they had to control the situation if it was not going the way they had planned or expected. However, when one comes to learn tantra, they are in fact coming to learn yoga, they are coming to learn of their true emotions, their true nature and their true energy patterns. True tantra is mastering the psyche, but also mastering ones energy, ones breath, ones body and using it as a tool to expand themselves to a full capacity of deep love from within. That is it! When these experiences open someone up to the point of feeling deep pleasure from within and it comes naturally, it is tantric.

However, when one comes and expects the erotic with no background of the spiritual, they are NOT asking for tantra training. They are in fact asking for erotic training. They are different. And, others could argue that erotic training could be tantric, however, without the spiritual component and without any base of spiritual background, they will not have their roots firmly planted. They will be putting their seeds in the wrong garden and the spiritual garden of love will not grow. It will be sitting on the sideline waiting for someone to water it, but it will eventually wither up and  die, because the erotic garden got more attention. It is possible to access love through the erotic, but only when those seeking the erotic come to the place to realize that their heart needs nurturing and love and they choose to pull back and go deeper within their feelings. Then their heart will shine and they will have balance. However, by this point they will have to surrender their ego’s and re-learn the true meaning of tantra, and they may have hurt a lot of people they cared about along the way, or could have cared about as they realize all the damage they have done. They will have a lot of people to reach out to and apologize, or try to clean up any mess they made by forcing their sexual needs onto others. However, when one starts their practice by going deep into the yogic journey and true spiritual development, there will be less hearts broken, less messes to clean up and they will develop their skills gradually and become the true healer/lover/friend/yogi they have always wished to be.

I would SO love to meet those who truly want to learn true tantra, and truly want to go deep into their personal healing journey. For those, I have much to teach and much to share!