Vulnerability into Pleasure

vulnerability into pleasureVulnerability into Pleasure

Many people think tantra is just a term and an excuse to be sexual and erotic.
That is the furthest from the truth of what tantra truly is.
The purpose of tantra is not to be erotic
But to be loved.
How is tantra a path to feel love, but not feel erotic?
The answer is, it’s both.
Safety and love must come before feeling sexual, period.
If someone tries to feel erotic before feeling safe and love,
they’re skipping too many steps ahead.
Go back a few steps, and you might end up where you want to be.
Maybe you don’t need to feel safe.
Maybe you don’t have a single bone of softness in you.
Maybe you can jump into the sexual, before the sensual.
There is a layer of vulnerability there, you are unwilling to see.
Consider every human has fragile emotions.
You might just be covering yours up with erotic energy.
Slow down a little bit, and you’ll feel love energy.
Give your partner a chance to catch up to your sexual energy,
and you’ll both be a match
And intimate love will never be the same.

Do you feel anxious, irritable or frustrated?
What is it you are not letting yourself feel?
What are the feelings that are hiding underneath the surface?
What emotions are you hiding from?
What feelings popped up in a moment, and then went away soon after?
The pop up feelings are a clue. Dig deeper.
Surrender to them. Breathe into them. Feel them.
Notice. Investigate. Become a detective to your own feelings.
Is it anger? Breathe into anger.
Is it sadness? Breathe into sadness.
It is regret? Breathe into regret.
Is it despair? Breathe into despair.
Is it joy? Breathe into joy.
Is it love? Breathe into love.
Any feeling you feel, and breathe into, will make the feeling bigger, and either move through your body and let go, or feel more love, more joy, and more pleasure as you breathe into them.
Breathing into anger, despair, regret, sadness is loving them, and they will surrender, breathe through you, drop into nothingness, and transform into pleasure.
Tantra is a path of healing.
What is it you are healing today?
What parts of yourself are you expanding?
How will you shift vulnerability into pleasure today?

No one is ever going to be the same energy level at exactly
the same time every time you desire it.
Someone is going to have to slow down and be patient for the other.
It’s never about forcing someone to meet you where you are,
But always about surrendering to meet them where they are.
Are you surrendering to your Beloved?
Are you making them feel safe, or threatened?
Are you putting frustration onto them, or love?
Can you go deeper into surrender with yourself?
With your lover?
It just might turn your frustration into bliss.
Don’t forget to breathe.
The breath is the key!
It is your vehicle. Your teacher. Your friend. Your lover.
Your life force. Your heart. A connection to your soul
Something SO much bigger than you.
It is your gift!
And you have it with you all the time.

Note: Read this again after meditating, and it will make more sense!

Love, Asttarte

Slow Sex is Best

Slow Sex is Best

Sex, sex, sex! Everyone loves to talk about sex! But sex to one person may mean something completely different to someone else. To one person it may mean going out to dinner, having a few glasses of wine, and coming home to jump in the bed with their hunny. To another, it may mean to stay in, put everything on hold, and do it right there on the spot, spontaneously wherever they feel like it. And to another, it may mean slow foreplay, lots of intimate massage, then taking as long as possible before removing their external articles, and moving as slowly as possible after.

Most people, and in particular, most guys, think the faster the better, but that can’t be further from the truth. Guys, and women too, feel a peak of desire, and want to rush to feel some form of satisfaction. They crave the feeling of pleasure, get impatient and even become aggressive with their own body. They almost in a sense, are taking out that sense of impatience and anger on them-self, for having waited to be intimate, and don’t realize that the slower they go, they more healing, nurturing and joy they experience within. And, too, the slowness creates an energy flow, the chi, and taoist energy movement, that allows even an emotional connection to their body, feelings and experience to take place. Sometimes, the slower, the more sensual and the more emotional. Often, there is no healing without slowness, no emotional connection, no vulnerability, no sadness, and also no electric orgasm either.

There are many vibrators out on the market, and many of them, have a speed that is much too fast to allow the person to have a true tantric emotional connection or healing experience. These ‘toys’ are targeted more for people who are unable to orgasm without them, and all too often, they over-stimulate a woman, creating a somewhat dependence on the toys, and it sets the woman up for being unable to have any pleasure or release with her own partner (or herself for that matter). She then needs the toy after being with her partner, and then her husband, or boyfriend, etc. feels left out, unloved, not included in her pleasure, and it sets him up to feel failure as a lover; which is probably completely off base. She just trained herself to received pleasure from some foreign object, and can’t experience pleasure without it. Guys, it’s not your fault!

However, there is hope! Women can retrain themselves to slow down, and men can feel the satisfaction of connecting with his sweetheart and beloved deeply once again! First, I’d like to say, is that it IS possible. You first have to put the toy away. Hide it in a trunk, or the attic for a while. Try something different. Try slowing down, breathing, working with your own energy, your own breath, a gentle touch, and let your emotions come to the surface. It will create a spiral and circulating effect of self love, love for your partner, and a connection much deeper than two people experiencing a superficial orgasm at two separate times and in two different ways can ever do.

If two people in a relationship, are both desiring to be sexual, get close, but one is angry, another is frustrated, depressed, or experiencing anything other than love, fast sex often seems like the quick solution to connect and attempt to make all those feelings go away. But, those feelings don’t go away, without acknowledging them, truly feeling them, being with them, and loving them into disappearance.

Slow sex, and slow intimacy is the only way to truly acknowledge your partner, love him or her, and create a connection that is worth experiencing. Why rush when you can have so much more? 

 

Arousal as Energy Movement

Arousal as Energy Movement

Arousal as Energy MovementArousal as Energy Movement

What happens after a relationship ends, or you have taken an enormous amount of time to be alone? (The relationship might as well be over if that’s the case). And definitely the case if your partner had a fear of intimacy (See recent posts from other blog MyLoverMyBestFriend.wordpress.com for more writing on fear of intimacy).

What happens to your body after you’ve gone through the grieving and letting go process, and you’re ready to start dating again, or having an interest in connecting with others after all that time?

What usually happens, is your body will start telling you that you are ready. It will have desires with certain people you are attracted to, or give you sudden urges and nudges to push you to talk to someone. But what happens when you’re by yourself, and you are starting to finally open up again after all that time alone? Your body may have waves of energy movement, or jolts of sudden arousal. It may feel orgasmic, but then when you go to pleasure yourself, you may still feel certain blocks to experience a full body experience of arousal, i.e.. orgasm.

The arousal is your bodies way of telling you that you have gotten through most of the grieving process of your ex lover (husband, wife, etc) and it has achieved a level of balance, equilibrium and harmony of energy and wants to move to a higher place of joy. You completed the cycle of sadness, solitude and aloneness after the hard core break up. You took the time you needed to rest, recover, release anxiety, stress and sadness from your previous beloved, and now your body has awaken, and it wants to wake you up to match how it feels.

It can happen anywhere; your kitchen while you are cooking a meal, your car while singing to a song you love, cleaning your home, reading, talking to a friend, or even meditating or taking a bath. When your body is ready to open to a higher level of pleasure, it doesn’t matter what you are doing or who you are with. It will move and rise within you no matter what!

If you talking to a friend in person or over the phone and you definitely don’t want that friendship to turn into something different, be careful! You may want to hang up the phone or leave the current situation to allow your body to experience how it’s feeling. Otherwise, that friendship might just turn romantic pretty quickly!

If you want the friendship to turn into something else, and your friend had been waiting for you to be ready and open, awesome! Or, you are neutral and don’t care if this person will remain your friend or turn into something else, that may be time to have a discussion. However, if you have the discussion on the spot, changes will happen almost dramatically! A more rational stand would be to walk away, take care of yourself, and then talk to your friend later after the feeling of sexual arousal and frustration has calmed down.

I’ve discovered a practice called the Deer Exercise for women and men in my recent search on this topic. This is a taoist energy practice to help move and awaken someone who has been suppressed or shut down for a long time. If you are no longer suppressed and feel the energy already excited, this practice may actually just balance you and help release some of the pent up sexual frustration, and perhaps help you relieve the sexual frustration a little easier. However, I find the Shamanic Breathwork and Tantra Meditations to be more powerful. Whatever you choose is your choice, and your body will let you know what is best!

Feel free to give the Deer Exercise a try. Who knows it might help! If anything it will help keep your energies open and your body in overall health and vitality! Enjoy!

For women:

For men and women:

Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

How can you feel passionate and sexy when you’re sad? How can you open up to your sexuality when you are grieving a loved one who died, or a family member of yours is very ill or hurt? How can you feel sexual when you and a partner recently broke up?

Opening up to your sexual essence is nearly impossible when major life events show up. Even one of these events can take someone down a downward spiral for months, but all of them at once seems like a Tsunami of change and where something major is happening to teach one a lesson, or to help grow towards greater enlightenment. I am talking about my personal life, and using it to help others. One of my dearest and best friends passed away recently, and her viewing was in fact on my birthday this year.  It blew me away to realize how someone so young could move on. Her health was suffering, and even though she was much younger than me, she struggled to get to the source of her pain. She had a history of trauma and I spent many years trying to help her. My lesson in my relationship with her, is the same lesson in the bigger picture of all of these events (marriage ending, her death and a loved one getting severely hurt). The lesson is, I can’t heal everyone! As much as I want to help people, and perhaps be their hero, I can’t help all. And, I deeply tried to help her, but she rejected me year after year. The more I tried, it seemed the more she pushed me away. It’s amazing that right before her heart stopped, weeks prior she finally reached out to me, and asked for guidance on her spiritual development. I waited for over 15 years for her to be interested. But then it was too late. At 33, she moved on, with a beating heart that stopped and her breath became silent. Perhaps it was too much for her to try to heal in her body, and her personality would not allow it. Now, she can heal on the spirit realm, and perhaps in a new body and a new life, she can heal this life.

The end of a relationship also takes a toll. It’s like a death unto itself. You have to interact with that person in a whole new way.  Grieving someone that is still living is a challenge alone. You wonder why things couldn’t work out. You wonder why they refused to heal, or were unwilling to admit their own responsibility in their own choices. You wonder why they project all their anger and blame of things they did, onto you. You can question it over and over again, but mental illness sometimes cannot be figured out. And, when the other person chooses not to heal or get help, the only thing left is to grieve. Being their friend is a challenge, because you don’t know when and if they’ll try to blame you for their own feelings again. It was such a challenge in walking away this time, that I decided to write about it. And perhaps, write about the struggle. And, maybe it could help others who loved someone with a mental illness. It’s NOT your fault! It’s not my fault. My heart is as big as The Divine Mother! But knowledge and wisdom in how to deal with someone like this, helps to end the pattern of being pulled back in, when they put on a beautiful act of being nice again. I’ll consider writing more of the story of this. Perhaps it could be a short story. However, the lesson again, is “I cannot help so much that I sacrifice my life away!”

And to top it off, my father fell and hit his head! He had a concussion with delirium. He had memory loss, but only half the time. The status is, is that he’s getting better! I am deeply grateful he is getting better and I’ll find out more tomorrow how much better he is. But at the height of his fall, I was there. I visited him for multiple days, and spent 5 or 6 hours a day just sitting with him, waiting until he woke up, helping him eat, and talking and laughing. It was very healing to be with him in this way, and he would say often, “why are you crying? I’m ok!” But I didn’t feel like he was ok. I said, “But you’re different!” And he said, “But my heart is the same!” And I smiled and said, “you are right!” It’s amazing how alike we are, and how much we get along; 2 Aries and my whole life I had no idea how similar we are until now. I am grateful to still have more years and time to spend with him, and I will continue to grow in the acceptance and understanding, that I am NOT superwoman, and I cannot save and fix everyone, but a part of me, will still always try!

So, the point of this writing, Sex and Sadness….how can one be in touch with their sexuality when they are feeling sadness? Well, simply, they cannot! One has to go through the sadness, to get to the sexiness. Many people try to ignore their feelings, their sadness, their anger, or disappointment, etc and go straight to the sexual feelings. And, then they wonder why nothing sexual is happening! Well, the answer is right in front of you! You have to feel all of your feelings, the happy ones AND the sad ones in order to feel to juicy ones! Bad feelings don’t go away by ignoring them, then they only get suppressed deeper. The more you can feel your painful feelings, the more bliss and joy you can feel when they move through you and release out of your body! And, the body WILL tell you when painful feelings are there! It ALWAYS will, so you might as well go through them, and not try jumping over them! There is a much greater reward in the end when you do!

“Instead of getting on medication, for stresses, just FEEL your feelings! Then all that stress and heavy feelings just simply go away! But you have to feel deeply, and at your core, or it will only come back until you finally face yourself again!”

To Be Loved By A Man

To Be Loved By A Man

To Be Loved by a ManI know what it feels like to be loved by a man; a man whose heart is open wide to the spirit you are; a man who loves you, or in the moment feels as though he is deeply in love with you.

To be held in his arms; to feel his breath upon your chest, as he holds you in embrace, and caresses your heart into deep utter relaxation.

To be teased into bliss by the simplicity of his eyes melting into yours.

You never forget what it feels like to be held by a man; a man, not a boy, or a child, and not your father or your son. A man, who is so deeply in love with YOU!

His rich smell as his pheromones reach out to yours and tantalize your adrenaline into heaven.

A spark of simplicity, a whimper in your heart of relief, of satisfaction, of knowing you are woman, as you are received in his love, and accepted for being the Goddess you are!

What a gift you are receiving, in being loved by his depth, in knowing you ARE Goddess, and are powerful in your femininity; a divine being worthy of being loved.

What a gift he is receiving, in giving him the experience of loving you, in knowing he is capable of loving and valuable in being received.

 

 

To be loved by a man offers so many gifts; for the receiver and the giver. To be a woman, being loved by a man helps you to know you ARE alive, and you are worthy, are capable and acceptable in being a Woman; a wise woman, an innocent woman, a powerful woman, a vulnerable woman; that you are allowed to be YOU, and you are allowed to be Goddess. You have permission and you need not shut down your prowess, your sensuality or your love!

 

 

 

Some thoughts to consider:

 

 

1). What does it mean to be loved by a man to you?

 

 

2). As a man, what does it offer you to love a woman? And, what does it mean to you to love a woman, who truly receives your love?

 

 

3). As a woman, what gifts do you receive when you open your heart to receiving the love from your beloved man that is right there in front of you?

 

4). As a woman, how often do you allow yourself to be loved by your husband/boyfriend?

 

 

5). Are there times when you shut him out and choose not to be embraced by him?If Yes, what causes you to close down to the one you love the most? (What thoughts are going through your mind? Are you resigned, cynical, blaming, judgmental, or resentful? Do you feel unloved? Do you feel unaccepted? Do you feel threatened and not supported? Do you lack trust? Do you feel guilty or wrong? Do you feel betrayed? Are you angry? Do you want to forgive? Are you stressed and feel powerless? Are you afraid and want to feel safe?)

 

 

6). Are you a woman, married or partnered to a man, going through your own emotional crisis and don’t feel understood or accepted for who you are? Do you wish to be understood? If you felt safe and accepted, how would you go about explaining to your man what you are dealing with so he could be a team player to help you get through your current struggles?

 

 

7). Do you feel as though, you are accepted, but still can’t talk to him about your inner world? Are you afraid of being judged or that he will stop loving you? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you told him what you felt?

 

 

8). Are you a woman (or a man) who doesn’t like talking about feelings and wishes the problems or issues would just go away? Would you rather wish them away then deal with them? What are you afraid of that makes you want to run when it comes to feelings?

 

 

9). If you had it your way, how would you want your current relationship to look like, feel like and smell like? (What would your surroundings and environment be, how would your partner behave towards you, how would they treat you, how would you treat them, where would you live, and what would you have in your home, how would you get along with in-laws and friends in social outings?, etc.)

 

 

10). Are you the typical leader in your relationship and the first to bend to work out an argument, or are you the one who holds grudges and waits to see if, maybe, things will work out on their own? If you did become the leader, what would you do or say to your partner to help them open their heart to you again?

 

Bonus Question:

 

11). If you are not receiving the type of love that you really want, ask yourself, what is it that you want, and what in your relationship is missing, if you had it your way, you would want to be there?

 

If you’re a man reading this post, you are welcome to copy and paste this and print it out to give to your beloved woman. (You are also welcome to turn the questions around to address yourself as a man). If you are a woman, consider reading this and answering the questions for yourself. you may discover some things about yourself, your relationship, hidden desires, and you may get to experience what it is that is really important to YOU!

 

Erectile Dysfunction – A Common Phenomenon

Erectile Dysfunction – A Common Phenomenon

After about a dozen phone calls of people seeking help with their personal erectile dysfunction issues, I thought it was time to do something about this, and write to you.

Many men go through a stage in their life that takes them off of their normal routine of a healthy sex life, and often it comes as a shock to them; not knowing how to turn things around, and sometimes go back to the way it was just the day before. And, after many months of feeling frustrated, mostly from their partner wanting them to be able to be fully erect and feel the full sensation they had before, they start looking for answers.

First off, I want to say, ladies, please have patience for your honey’s. Sometimes they don’t know the source of this and they really do need help. It is important that they know YOU love them, accept them, and can be fully supportive of what they are dealing with. #1 this is utmost of importance. It will help them feel nurtured, cared for, and in the end get to the other side of this condition.

Second, guys, it will take a lot of compassion on your part to let your women go through what they are going through given they were always used to things being a certain way, and now they need to adjust to the changes and learn within themselves how to accept your situation, and eventually support you to heal it. If this core foundation doesn’t happen, this is where a lot of relationships start going under and can, without warning, walk a path of termination. This is not what I would want for you, however, some people can only handle so much disappointment. The good news is, is that there are answers and this CAN, I am telling you, be cured. It will take DEEP soul searching on your part, a determination to heal your inner self and take charge of the problem. Going to the route of viagra or other drugs is NOT the solution. It will only lead to other health problems later, but I can’t make that decision for you. You have to.

So guys, soul searching IS the answer. It’s not the fastest solution, and it’s not an easy one, but it is the most powerful solution. And, with Tantra and other Spiritual Healing practices, you can find yourself getting closer to your old healthy body again, and sometimes, EVEN HEALTHIER!

Sometimes the issue stems from one or more of these things:
Your Health
Stress
Past Traumas

Often when you have a health concern, this can cause stress. Often when you have stress it can be created in many ways; work, your closest relationships, family and on many occasions Past Traumas that you never even knew were traumas, but your body took them in and integrated them into a part of you, and now it has caught up with you. The most noble thing you can do would be to allow yourself to be vulnerable, surrender to what your body is telling you, and go deep within. Not every modality out there will help you. Just like food; some people like chocolate, some like vanilla and some like strawberry. We all have different likes and dislikes and our bodies respond to different modalities in different ways. The best thing to do is experiment. However, now that you are here reading this, I would like to say that practicing tantra, spiritual healing, doing emotional release practices and strengthening your sexual muscles will help. However, with a little guidance, a little push and a little practice.

Some other modalities I recommend are (I offer most of these btw):
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
NET (Neuro Emotional Technique) (I have a great referral here)
Matrix (Matrix Work – Core Energetics)
Re-Alignments
IET (Integrated Energy Therapy)
Psychotherapy
Breathwork
Tantra
Caring for your health and eating proper foods
Yoga
Acupuncture (I know of a couple really great clinics around Phiadelphia that cost $20 to $35)
Getting Massages
and more!

Some reading material: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Spiritual-Healing-3882/2009/12/Erectile-dysfunction-1.htm
http://healing.about.com/od/ritalouise/a/erectiledysf.htm

If you would like a woman and someone different than here, let me know and I can give you another referral. Or, of course, you can see me! Good luck to you, and much much love on this journey!

Asttarte Deva

Choosing a Passionate Life

The Benefits of an Arousing City
This past weekend I did my 3rd weekend of the ILP in New York City. I never felt so aroused just from going to a different location in my life. Being in the energy of the city awoke my energy to the vibration of who I really am and what I really want to feel. My passionate self is vibrant, expressive, open, playful and creative and being in New York I was re-awoken to this state of being. My shakti and kundalini energy got aroused to its natural state and who I became in the brief time while I was there, was truly excited about life. Not that I was not excited before, but being in New York brought my zest for life alive and it reminded me that it is definitely where I want to be.

The Costs of a Suppressed City
When coming home to Philadelphia again, I was reminded of the differences of the city, and there are many differences from NY to Philadelphia. The food in Philadelphia is fabulous, the music is unbelievable, the orchestra and parks are wonderful. However, the energy of the city itself is quite different. When I think of Philadelphia, I think of suppression, a heaviness, a weight of dissatisfaction, frustration and a large amount of people who appear to be miserable or for the most part uncomfortable being in their own bodies. People in Philadelphia can be cool, but it takes really getting past their armoring before they will let themselves open up. And, even that doesn’t always do it. Being reminded to breathe and let go in every moment isn’t easy when you are pressured to go to work, drive in traffic and then come home to your family. It’s no wonder people in Philadelphia are suppressed. There is a distinct energy that surrounds the entire city, and everyone who lives in or near it are affected. People can become bitter, angry, sad, depressed, hostile, disinterested in life, running to outlets to make themselves feel better and living a passion-less life.

Who You Are Is Where You Be
I am in Philadelphia, and my family is here and I am not in a position to relocate at the present moment. However, being in Philadelphia, in many aspects I become like what the energy it is we are surrounded by. You become who you hang around, and that even includes the vibration of the environment you are surrounded by. The vibration of Philadelphia is heavy, and I am an empath and intuitive. It would make my light body turn heavy, and my zest for life get dull. And, I am committed to living a powerful, juicy, and sexy life, and who I really am is someone who loves to be fully expressed.

It only reminds me of the openness in NY city and how much it feels like home to me.

After this past weekend, I making a committed effort to make myself available to do sessions regularly in NY city, having a *blast* at night, doing everything I can to make sure I get there every month, and keeping my energy as clear as possible while I am in Philly! And, then sharing who I am, and bringing it to NY, and coming home to Philly regularly, will allow that sexy New York energy to be flourished here. It could create a whole new world in our “City of Love”!

www.SexBlissLifeCoach.blogspot.com Asttarte Deva