Boundaries in Intimacy – an article

Boundaries in Intimacy – an article

Lovers+Embrace

 

Boundaries in Intimacy are different with every person.

“Intimacy means being able to be fully present with yourself and another at the same time.” Staci Haines.

“Intimacy means being willing to experience conflict, and to use conflict to deepen your intimacy. It means risking trust with another at deeper and deeper levels over time.” Staci Haines.

Building Intimacy involves major components such as: Embodiment, consent, openness to emotions, healing through triggers, trust, self-forgiveness, authenticity, self-awareness, listening, presence with yourself and another, patience, time and acceptance with what is. Building Intimacy takes time and cannot happen immediately. It can take a few sessions before the level of trust grows strong enough to do an Intimacy Therapy Session. Building Intimacy Before Our First Session: emails & phone calls:

When emailing me, please tell me as specifically as possible what you are interested in, your intentions for our session, what your needs are, and your level of experience with Spirituality, Healing and Tantra. When you have questions about fees or sessions that are not clear to you on my website, it is always best to talk to me live.

Before meeting, I like to go over a few things that help us both to feel at ease with our initial connection. A questionnaire for new clients: This is not mandatory, however, it gives me an idea of your intention, experience, and openness to healing AND it gives you an idea of the value of our work together. If you are unclear about anything, it is always best to discuss it before we begin, and not during or after. However, if you need to wait for personal reasons, I will honor your feelings and need to do so.

Ways to Build Intimacy Are: Practice being with yourself and with another (your husband/wife/partner or alone) at the same time. Treat conflict and resistance as something that can build intimacy. Communicate openly and truthfully (to yourself and the other present) Practicing Self-Dignity: Communicate out of love and acceptance. If something comes up for you communicate by taking responsibility for your feelings and reactions. Communicate in a non-blaming attitude to give and receive more love. Understand if triggers and emotions come up for you, it is your process, and a temporary situation that will build to something beautiful. Build trust: I, as a Tantra Educator, like to take the first and second session to build trust in our relationship together as client and practitioner. Blessings to you on this beautiful journey of love, transformation and healing. Asttarte.

Boundaries with Your Significant Other and Choosing to Do A Tantra Session If you have boundaries with your partner, your wife, your husband or loved one and are unsure of the work we would do together in Session, please ask me all your questions before our Session or at the beginning of our time together! Nothing is ever done without your permission! Nothing is EVER done without an agreement between you as the client and I as the Practitioner! If you and your wife/husband or lover have an agreement to be exclusive, and don’t know what these Sessions entail, please ask to clarify any concerns you may have! If you are choosing the receive Tantra Healing without the Agreement with your husband/wife or partner, that is your choice! We will only explore avenues that will be of help to you! And, just to help you gain further comfort, any Session we do together will help you be a better lover with your partner, feel more at peace with your partner and be more of the lover they wish you to be. These Sessions are not meant for you to start a new Relationship with me. I have my own life, my own family, and I am only here as a Healer, Guide and Practitioner to you! I wish for you all the love you ever dreamed of! ~Namaste!~~~

The Dominant Woman

The Dominant Woman

The Dominant WomanHey guys, Are you tired of being bossed around and controlled by your wife (or girlfriend)? Do you have to live a secret life in order to maintain some sense of control and sanity? Do you feel scared she’s going to catch you in the act, for making secret phone calls to someone you like or have an interest in? Do you have to maintain a level of privacy and secrecy in order to keep your head on straight and make sure you’re head will not be CHOPPED off when you walk home or come back into her arms? What would happen if you did get caught? Would she go to the drastic measures of divorce or a break up, just because you wanted to live a normal healthy life, and express yourself with someone who wants to listen?

This is the trap many relationships live in today. One feels unheard, misunderstood; the other wants to maintain control, power and dominance and the two have to keep secrets, lies and shut out the truth from the other. Jealousy is born, possessiveness and control and a war for authority and dominance.  What usually happens to relationships that are living in this reality, this lie, and have to pretend they are something they are not? Often, over time, they separate, they divorce or break up, and many times shutting out the other completely from their lives with little room for resolution or healing.


Probably if the truth came out today, the worse that could happen would be separation; the best, a best friend again, someone you could feel close to, safe with, and a deeper love than before.
on or healing. What would happen if the truth came out? Or, even better, if the couple were honest with their needs, wants and desires before any problems arose?

When a woman shows up with her fierce rage about her man “jeopardizing” their relationship for his own self worth and personal fulfillment, a man shuts down. He pulls back and creates more separation. The woman feels she has a sense of control, and is keeping her man on her leash so he will not run away from her, and “they maintain their commitment”. However, do they really maintain their commitment, or is it under false pretenses? lies, secrets and dominance. Men DO NOT want to be dominated, just as much as women don’t. However, when a woman tries dominating her man, she is only pushing him away further and getting less and less over time the thing she actually wants; her man.  When women can let go of their jealously and control, and men can speak their truth, the world will be a happier place. All the secrets create a sort of conspiracy and controlled, repressed, and conservative relationship. The relationship is not free, it doesn’t feel open, it doesn’t feel good, and it gets harder and harder to stay! In order for a relationship to thrive, be your true self to your Beloved, and then you get to be your true self to you! It doesn’t get any better!

Namaste~

When You’re In The Mood

When You’re In The Mood

When You're in the Mood

When You’re in the Mood and Your Hunny Isn’t

A story and some Coaching:

Upon waking in the morning, I was horny as a banshee. I looked over at my hunny and he was simply out cold! I was up and ready to go. Our son was sleeping in the bed beside us. Since we have a toddler, we often sneak out of the bedroom before he wakes and slip into another room to have a rendezvous in the morning, or a late hour snack. I tried comforting him to waking, but he still would not move. I cuddled him, carressed him, moved my body into his, leaned into his shoulder and put my face on his shoulder, breathing and making deep sounds… letting him know in my own way I was fully alert, awake and ready for some love making! My hips were rocking, I was breathing heavy and I tried taking his hand to lift him and walk him into the other room, but he did not budge.

What do you do when you’re excited to connect to your loved one and they are either not interested, not horny or are just completely exhausted?

In the past I would massage him and caress him for about a half an hour to wake him up and eventually he would, but this time, we were running out of time and doing all my tactics of convincing and seducing for a half an hour was not an option. And then, I went to set up the other space and when I came back he was cuddled up nicely next to our son and solid as a rock in this next place. Within a few minutes our son woke up, and that opportunity was lost.

I started grunting, and still wanted to escape to the other room; letting our son be alone for 5 to 10 minutes. It didn’t happen.

So, instead I decide to shift all that creative energy to getting ready in the morning, getting my son’s schoolbox ready and to make myself available for clients later. Thanksgiving is this week and we agreed we would sleep together Thanksgiving night and I would sacrifice a portion of my Friday morning to be with him, with the intention to sneak again somewhere we could be alone for a few minutes. Our schedules are conflicted with time to be alone, and with his new job, my role as a mother, and our son either being in school or with one of us, being alone isn’t always easy. So, I take advantage of those few opportunity’s we do have, and trust that eventually we will take another date night alone, and make some time for a couple hours of a rendezvous for ourselves!

The best way to deal with these kinds of situations is to 1). come from a place of non-attachment, 2) do not judge, 3). speak words of kindness, 4). accept your partners needs, wants and their concerns as well, 5). make a new promise or agreement for the future, and 6). take care of yourself today in the best way for you!

Asttarte

Pink Tantra

Withholding Your Love

Withholding Your Love

Withholding Your Love

When you withhold love from the people you love, what is it you are gaining? Are you withholding in order to protect yourself? Are you holding onto resentment or regret? How long will you continue to hold onto these feelings? Are you doing it because you feel you are right? How does it feel to be right? Does it make you feel strong, proud, confident or some other emotion?

 

Choosing to be right is the old paradigm of communication and only creates distance, separation, upset, and keeps your-self under control; rather than dealing with how you really feel; a loss for the connection to the person you love.

 

How many people do you choose to withhold your love from? If you think about it, there are probably at least half a dozen people you are withholding love from. If you are not feeling utter peace and joy in the presence of those you care about, you are withholding love; even in the subtlest capacity.

 

Withholding your love keeps your body in an armored state; your chest becomes tighter, your breathing is more shallow, your body feels rigid and anxious.

 

When you’re upset at the person you love the most, and holding on to anger in your body while taking your time to get over the anger, having a hard time releasing the anger, or hoping eventually it will go away, no matter what you will be withholding your love from this person, AND withholding love from yourself as well. When you are not present to your anger or upset, it may feel like it is the other persons fault. But in fact, you are the only person who can forgive and let this go.

What do you do when you are upset at the person you love?

Do you take hours, weeks, months, or years to forgive?

When you have upset or anger, do you decide to date someone else, hang out with your friends instead, ….

 

 

Pink Tantra

Let Drama Fade

Let Drama Fade

let drama fade

Let Drama Fade

Often times, when there is drama going on around you, with clients, friends or others, without knowing it, it can effect our marriage or significant relationship(s) and cause us to feel distant, in need to take space to be alone and cleanse ourselves from the interactions with others.

When speaking to those who are going through something intense, if they are dear to you and you care for them, the best thing you can do to help them sometimes is to pull back and walk away giving them time to process and heal in their own time. Sometimes we have to let friends or people we love go in order to continue in our own growth and progress, and to keep our marriages and relationships happy.

Every single person we interact with every single day, whether through texting, skype, the phone, email, instant messaging, Facebook, twitter, video chat or in person all effects us on some level. And how sensitive we are to their drama, to their pull on our energy or sadness at their distance will affect our most significant partnerships. It may show up as though the partnership is having difficulty, but in fact its something else. Not everyone has words to express these experiences. Some people choose to keep their outside experiences to themselves. Some partners choose to share everything. However, what you share or what you don’t share will bleed into the very important aspects of your life.

Give your friend or client, etc a break and without feeding into their need for your continued attention, just separate. Don’t respond. Let time pass. Let them heal, and in the process, take care of your own energetic needs. Keep your energetic space clean and be a leader in ending the drama; just don’t give into it. Perhaps they will reach out to you again later and realize what they were doing, perhaps they will never learn, or perhaps they will come back later and apologize.

When you take care of your relationships that are going on around you, you are also taking care of the relationship to yourself and to your most significant loved one(s).

Pink Tantra

Moon in Scorpio – Psychic Tantra Updates!

Moon in Scorpio – Psychic Tantra Updates!

Moon in Scorpio - Psychic Tantra UpdatesAs the moon phases into full and new, each day, or two, or three days it changes the energetic vibrations on the planet.  As the energies changes, so too does the astrological sign of the moon, and  we move into a new vibration feeling its power and a new frequency that sometimes controls how we feel, act, think and behave. Today and yesterday we were vibrating in the energy of Scorpio, and it usually is one of my favorite moon signs the moon is phased in. The time of the moon in Scorpio, we are often in an intense place of depth for anything that we are passionate about. It is a time of mysticism, have higher prophetic visions or abilities, desire to go deeper into ourselves and discover how we feel or what it is we want. It is also a time of intense passion and sexual desires or pleasures. When the moon is in Scorpio, it is often a time of GREAT sex, and deep love making, as we are influenced and motivated to feel more passionate than normal and driven to go deeper into anything in which we love.

We also may wish to seek solitude, being alone to feel all of ourselves; loving ourselves solely in self love practices, or gentle meditation, and going deeper into our art or work and discover solutions to our work’s, or life’s problems via a deeper psychic ability than normal.

I am truly feeling deep gratitude at this time of my existence and ascension, and know all the profound work I have done on my-self, has truly paid off, as I feel in a place of integration and balance greater than ever before. I am feeling harmonious, and utter self love and am more able to be supportive to myself and others than ever before. My psychic visions are rising and my psychic impressions are deepening. Whatever it is that you need, I can draw from my own power and bring out the characters or energies that will support those who need me. In a sense, I can be like a Chameleon, and change to match what others need. If you put a group of people together in one room who know me, they may all have a different experience of me since I can match and draw out of myself the energies that will match and support where they are in their growth or their personal needs. My psychic channels are high during a Session, and whatever someone needs, my spirit will know and I will sense how to support them, and in this way, I either raise my vibration and offer sexually charged Sessions, or I may tone the energies down and be softer, gentler and kinder as they may be sensitive or emotionally hurt, or I may meet them somewhere in the middle.

As the moon is in Scorpio, and moving to Sagittarius, I am moving from intense spiritual depth and Sexual energy (although this is always the case), to the more independent leadership like qualities of Sagittarius. I am truly grateful for all the love and support over these past few months and have acquired new Sea Salt lamps; that act like Air Purifiers, and new De-humidifiers to help eradicate the air issues here, and maintain a balance of pure breath and powerful health. What’s next to come are Orgone’s, as in orgone therapy to raise the vibration even higher and offer another level of healing I have not given before. I also plan to acquire a set of Chakra Flat Stones to give Chakra Healing in our Tantra and Coaching Sessions, and a Chakra Pendulum to help you see with greater understanding the energies I just know need balance, and teach what I know in a more practical way.  Not everyone may have my psychic gifts, and only get a hunch, and I now want to truly give you healing that will make a HUGE difference in your life for the long term.

I celebrate you as you have gifted me with YOUR presence for the many years past, and whatever years you choose to join me in the future!

Blessings and Love to ALL!

Asttarte Deva

The Man as Woman, the Woman as Man

The Man as Woman, the Woman as Man

imagesWhat do you do when the man is more like a woman and the woman is more like a man? Where does this come from? Is it a genetic mix up? Is it past lives?

When your man acts more like a woman; hyper sensitive (even more than you), and squirms at the tiniest little changes, or communication that might stir up his emotions, what do you do? Do you wonder, does he have a mental illness? Is he on hyper alert? Was he abused as a child, neglected, or is something else going on?

And, when you love him, how do you keep your center and your ground to support him through his hyper emotions?

One thing I would start with is to give him time. Give him space. Let him have his tantrum. Know it is not you. He is a very emotional guy and he needs a lot of time alone. He will work through this pout in his own time, and when he is ready he will show up again.

Are you willing to put up with his emotional tantrums, or would you rather walk away?

Sometimes you can get SO irritated from your man’s running away, or hyper alter sensitivity that you would MUCH rather have a guy who can hold you in your power; hold you in your love. And, perhaps you DO deserve that, but you can still choose to love those who also might not be as strong as you would prefer.

The benefits to a man being so sensitive:

He may actually understand when you are going through something that is NOT directed at him. He may be able to talk to you deeply about your process. He may be willing to be there for you to comfort you in times of your own sadness, or premenstrual process. He may truly get it when YOU yourself need space and be able to give that to you without taking it personally.

If you have to do all the work; all the compromising, all the accepting, forgiving, letting go, you may very well have good reason to walk away. And, what would be SO powerful and supportive for you is to have a group of friends to talk to, a support group, a Meetup Group to go to, a 12 Step Program perhaps (Al-Anon), a church Group, your family if you’re close to them, or a Counselor or Therapist to talk to. You want to talk to people who are going to be supportive to your goal, and not try to pull you away from what you want, but also people who are going to help you gain your power, hold you in your strength, offer a listening ear, and a compassionate voice.

When Your Hunny Just DOESN’T Want To Have Sex

When Your Hunny Just DOESN’T Want To Have Sex

When Your Hunny Just Doesn't Want to Have SexHave you tried everything in the book to get your hunny to make love to you?

Are you calling your friends asking for advice?

Have you seduced him or her on multiple occasions with little response or wake up from them?

Are you tired of rejection?

Do they always have excuses and are NEVER in the mood?

Perhaps there’s another reason they are shut down. Perhaps there are deeper core issues that need to be dealt with. You love them, he/she loves you, but the little amount of fondling, caressing or stroking of your hair is getting old. You want some connection. You want someone to love you deeply. You want a tantric partner; not just some 10 or 15 minute quickie. Where is he (she)?

You try playing with your toys, you go out with the girls (or the guys), you are ALWAYS in the mood and he just drops dead when he comes home.

Forgiveness and Acceptance

I heard a story today of a woman who shared her experience with her ex-husband. She had been dealing with a custody battle for years and came to feel as though none of her inputs, feelings, or concerns were given any consideration. She had an agreement set up with her ex-husband on the days he would be with her children and the days she would be with her children.

The holidays are coming and she had said, “I don’t have a good experience with the holidays and I always look forward to when they are over.” Her ex-husband knew she was to spend Thursday with her children, but he then asserted that he was going to take the children that day. Then he casually mentioned that he was also going to be taking the children to someone in his family on Saturday, when Saturday was also a day scheduled for her to be with her children.

It was a situation I could not do anything about, other than listen. And, as I heard her speak, I heard more and more of my own situation that I USED TO have, that I now NO LONGER have. I wanted to offer her my suggestions and perhaps a new viewpoint that might help her. She sort of was playing the victim role and didn’t seem to realize how she was being responsible in the situation. She was blaming, acting entitled, was judging and holding onto the pattern of this relationship and how it had been going on for years.

If I could put my two sense into this situation for this woman, I would ask her to consider how she is being is responsible; if she can see how he feels, what she is still holding onto from the past, how she is blaming, judging, nitpicking and playing the role of the victim. She is playing the advocate for helping women who have gone through divorce, but it seems her heart is very much still hurting and she covers it up with a powerful confidence. My hope for her, is that she learns to forgive him, accepts the situation, learns to listen, and can one day surrender to this mans feelings. This may be the one thing that could bring peace to her family, and perhaps friendship between the two of them, instead of animosity!