Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

How can you feel passionate and sexy when you’re sad? How can you open up to your sexuality when you are grieving a loved one who died, or a family member of yours is very ill or hurt? How can you feel sexual when you and a partner recently broke up?

Opening up to your sexual essence is nearly impossible when major life events show up. Even one of these events can take someone down a downward spiral for months, but all of them at once seems like a Tsunami of change and where something major is happening to teach one a lesson, or to help grow towards greater enlightenment. I am talking about my personal life, and using it to help others. One of my dearest and best friends passed away recently, and her viewing was in fact on my birthday this year.  It blew me away to realize how someone so young could move on. Her health was suffering, and even though she was much younger than me, she struggled to get to the source of her pain. She had a history of trauma and I spent many years trying to help her. My lesson in my relationship with her, is the same lesson in the bigger picture of all of these events (marriage ending, her death and a loved one getting severely hurt). The lesson is, I can’t heal everyone! As much as I want to help people, and perhaps be their hero, I can’t help all. And, I deeply tried to help her, but she rejected me year after year. The more I tried, it seemed the more she pushed me away. It’s amazing that right before her heart stopped, weeks prior she finally reached out to me, and asked for guidance on her spiritual development. I waited for over 15 years for her to be interested. But then it was too late. At 33, she moved on, with a beating heart that stopped and her breath became silent. Perhaps it was too much for her to try to heal in her body, and her personality would not allow it. Now, she can heal on the spirit realm, and perhaps in a new body and a new life, she can heal this life.

The end of a relationship also takes a toll. It’s like a death unto itself. You have to interact with that person in a whole new way.  Grieving someone that is still living is a challenge alone. You wonder why things couldn’t work out. You wonder why they refused to heal, or were unwilling to admit their own responsibility in their own choices. You wonder why they project all their anger and blame of things they did, onto you. You can question it over and over again, but mental illness sometimes cannot be figured out. And, when the other person chooses not to heal or get help, the only thing left is to grieve. Being their friend is a challenge, because you don’t know when and if they’ll try to blame you for their own feelings again. It was such a challenge in walking away this time, that I decided to write about it. And perhaps, write about the struggle. And, maybe it could help others who loved someone with a mental illness. It’s NOT your fault! It’s not my fault. My heart is as big as The Divine Mother! But knowledge and wisdom in how to deal with someone like this, helps to end the pattern of being pulled back in, when they put on a beautiful act of being nice again. I’ll consider writing more of the story of this. Perhaps it could be a short story. However, the lesson again, is “I cannot help so much that I sacrifice my life away!”

And to top it off, my father fell and hit his head! He had a concussion with delirium. He had memory loss, but only half the time. The status is, is that he’s getting better! I am deeply grateful he is getting better and I’ll find out more tomorrow how much better he is. But at the height of his fall, I was there. I visited him for multiple days, and spent 5 or 6 hours a day just sitting with him, waiting until he woke up, helping him eat, and talking and laughing. It was very healing to be with him in this way, and he would say often, “why are you crying? I’m ok!” But I didn’t feel like he was ok. I said, “But you’re different!” And he said, “But my heart is the same!” And I smiled and said, “you are right!” It’s amazing how alike we are, and how much we get along; 2 Aries and my whole life I had no idea how similar we are until now. I am grateful to still have more years and time to spend with him, and I will continue to grow in the acceptance and understanding, that I am NOT superwoman, and I cannot save and fix everyone, but a part of me, will still always try!

So, the point of this writing, Sex and Sadness….how can one be in touch with their sexuality when they are feeling sadness? Well, simply, they cannot! One has to go through the sadness, to get to the sexiness. Many people try to ignore their feelings, their sadness, their anger, or disappointment, etc and go straight to the sexual feelings. And, then they wonder why nothing sexual is happening! Well, the answer is right in front of you! You have to feel all of your feelings, the happy ones AND the sad ones in order to feel to juicy ones! Bad feelings don’t go away by ignoring them, then they only get suppressed deeper. The more you can feel your painful feelings, the more bliss and joy you can feel when they move through you and release out of your body! And, the body WILL tell you when painful feelings are there! It ALWAYS will, so you might as well go through them, and not try jumping over them! There is a much greater reward in the end when you do!

“Instead of getting on medication, for stresses, just FEEL your feelings! Then all that stress and heavy feelings just simply go away! But you have to feel deeply, and at your core, or it will only come back until you finally face yourself again!”

When You Want Your Husband and Someone else shows up!

When You Want Your Husband and Someone else shows up!

When You Want Your Husband and Someone Else Shows UpWhen You Want Your Husband and Someone Else Shows Up. This is the pitfall of many relationships. A woman is craving connection with the man she loves, and what happens is that her man is unavailable. He’s busy or preoccupied, or his interest has dwindled and he has other concerns and things he wants to focus on. She’s deeply saddened and desperate to gain his attention, but he’s always somewhere else, emotionally or physically.

In a Polyamorous Marriage this is perfectly fine. There is an agreement between both partners that they are allowed to be with other lovers, so long as the structure of the relationship is maintained. However, if the foundation of the marriage is rocky, or there has been very little connection, intimacy and commitment between the two partners, straying from the marriage can feel like cheating, or in Christian terms “committing adultery”.

When you’re in love with your husband (or significant beloved) and there is no intimacy, your heart tears up inside. You want his commitment. You want his willingness to do what it takes to be there for you, stay by your side and give you his all! But when you have waited and waited for him to show up in this way, and all of a sudden someone else shows up, most of the time, it is like God giving you the gift you have been waiting for! You fall prey to this new amazing being that you are so deeply drawn to, and your wish has been granted.  Then the big question is: what do you do next? Do you continue to wait for the man you deeply love, or do you continue to fall into the arms of another? How long are you truly willing to wait? If waiting is putting your life on hold, perhaps waiting is not what your supposed to be doing anyway. Perhaps, you ARE supposed to be enjoying life and just surrender to what life gives you!

Read more posts for women at HealingSacredWoman.com

The Art of Touch: 50 Shades of Tantra

The Art of Touch: 50 Shades of Tantra

black taraThis is Goddess Jeanett’s point of view, and although it is similar to mind, there are some differences.  When no one has had any background in White Tantra, or Spiritual Discipline practices, we start there before we move to any other types of tantra. Many people have little background and need a lot of healing, so wherever there is the need, there we will go. And the seeker/student is not the one who has awareness of what he needs. The practitioner often will know what he/she needs and one must surrender to that knowledge, or the foundation never will build at all. Seek and ye shall find~

 

The Art of Touch: 50 Shades of Tantra: Written by:  Goddess Jeanette’s point of view!

 

Hoping to get your pulse racing, your kundalini rising, and your chakras spinning like tops? Not all Tantra is the same. Let’s start by exploring 5 paths of Tantra to get your aura started.  

 

 

I imagine that 50 shades is actually a modest estimation. This is increasingly true in this modern age, especially now that Tantra is becoming so popular here in the West. Tantra has been around for thousands of years and continues to evolve as Eastern philosophy meets Western psychology.  Allow me to guide you toward the shade of Tantra that suits you. I will describe 5 paths of Tantra.  Each path is represented by a color. Within these five tantric paths, there are easily 10 variations or shades of interpretation available, which would give you the proverbial 50 shades of Tantra.   

 

White Tantra is used to describe a spiritual path of Tantra which incorporates meditation, breath work, sounds and postures.  Although all of the major chakras or energy centers are recognized in this practice, it is the upper two chakras; the third eye and the crown chakra, which seem to get all the conscious attention.  These are the energy centers that connect with our intuition and spirituality.  In this culture we tend to equate Tantra with great sex. However, the white path doesn’t really focus on the physical act of sex at all! White Tantra is primarily a solo practice between you and spirit.  Although this is a solo practice, White Tantra does acknowledge relationships as having merit. The various people who come into our lives are said to provide us with a mirror to help us learn and grow.   

 

Personally, I define Tantra as more of a philosophy than a religion. However, I recognize that there are some people who practice Tantra religiously. Some forms of Tantra have become so intertwined with the beliefs of a specific religion such as; Hinduism, Taoism, or Buddhism that it is difficult to sort out where the religion ends and the Tantra begins. Within the practice of White Tantra, sexual energy is often re-directed or channeled towards spiritual transformation, creative endeavors, healing, expanded awareness, and what some might refer to as enlightenment.  Sexual activity is not strictly “forbidden” by most of the White Tantra practices; however, quite often followers of White Tantra are influenced by religious teaching that value chastity, sexual abstinence or celibacy.

 

If you are an individual who is seeking a journey of spiritual enlightenment or a deeper connection with God or spirit, then perhaps white Tantra is for you. Kundalini yoga is a popular practice in this culture that is often categorized as White Tantra.  However, if your reason for exploring tantra is primarily in hopes of learning new ways to improve your sex life, you may be disappointed.   

 

Red Tantra is a path of Tantra best known for bringing us Tantric Sex. Red Tantra is primarily a practice that you do with your partner. The union between you and your beloved is seen as a form of god and goddess worship that creates not only a bond with your partner but a bridge or connection to the divine god and goddess. You and your partner embody the god and goddess, and when you come together to make love using Tantric Rituals, you join body, heart, mind and spirit. All of the chakras or energy centers of the body are involved in the connection. The intention is to create a piece of heaven on Earth that transcends the physical act of sex. By incorporating Tantric practice into your love life, you can reach not only higher levels of pleasure and connection, but a higher spiritual vibration as well.  

 

My understanding is that in India, Red Tantra was originally a highly advanced spiritual practice that was only taught to those who had achieved a level of mastery of the White Path of Tantra. Today there are secular forms of Red Tantra in the West that do not require followers to achieve any mastery. The focus of this more secular form of Tantra is primarily on exploring bliss, ecstasy, and all the pleasurable sensations you can achieve during love making. Tantric Sex is now something that couples may explore, with or without the original spiritual intent.  

 

Red Tantra is known for luxurious love making sessions that last for hours, ideally leading to multiple, full-body orgasms… with or without an ejaculation.  The more secular forms of Red Tantra focus on erotic and romantic love, activating mostly the lower chakras; the primal, sexual and sensual energies of the root and sacral chakras. However, without the spiritual component to the practice, the upper chakras do not receive as much attention. The sacred forms of Red Tantra lead to a sense of euphoric oneness not only with your partner, but with the universe and God. The more secular forms of Red Tantra encourage couples to spend lots of time making love and exploring heightened levels of pleasure. However, this secular practice lacks the experience of spiritual love, and the universal connection that is the point of the sacred practice of Red Tantra.  

 

Pink Tantra refers to a heart centered path of tantra that blends many of the elements of White Tantra (generally without the tendency to embrace a life of celibacy) with some aspects of Red Tantra (without the need for a full time Tantric Partner to practice with.) Within the path of Pink Tantra, all of the chakras are acknowledged. However, there seems to be an emphasis on the importance of the heart; opening the heart chakra and healing the heart. Compassion, acceptance and forgiveness for others and for our self are central themes to this practice. Pink Tantra teaches us to cultivate love without attachment, ownership or expectation. With Pink Tantra love is seen as the impetus for healing and transformation.  

 

Pink Tantra is a great path to follow if you are currently single, struggling with your current relationship, or for those who adopt a more open love style such as polyamory. Pink Tantra provides techniques and practices to help you heal from past heartaches, to improve your overall feeling of an emotionally balanced life and to connect with your true self.  Pink Tantra recognizes the importance of polarity between masculine and feminine energy. Practicing Pink Tantra will often result in you attracting a good potential mate who complements and resonates with your energy.  If you are already in a love relationship, this practice will ideally deepen and strengthen your partnership.  If your relationship was struggling, you may experience a rekindling of an emotional and passionate connection with your partner. However, this practice encourages personal wholeness. Sometimes this practice will enable someone to leave a partner who is abusive, or otherwise keeping them from being an authentic expression of their true self.    

 

Black Tantra is a path of tantra that incorporates magic and is clouded in mystery. Sometimes Black Tantra is referred to as Dark Tantra. Some have compared this path of Tantra to the black magic of voodoo. Black Tantrikas are often feared in India. I suspect that there is a lot of misconception of this path because it is not practiced openly. The teachings are intentionally well guarded to protect it from being misused by those with less than pure intentions.  Black Tantra has not been widely or openly practiced in the US. One aspect of Black Tantra that has made an impression on our Western consciousness is Sex Magic, which is a little like practicing “The Secret” with the powerful addition of using sexual energy to manifest your intentions.  Integrity and discretion are extremely important to the successful practice of Black Tantra. Generally speaking, it is extremely difficult to find anyone willing to teach you the most powerful techniques of Black Tantra without undergoing a vigorous screening and initiation process.  Here in the US, as well as many parts of Europe, we tend to be very skeptical of anything magical, mystical or anything that cannot be explained by our current understanding of science. If this magical Tantra is what you are seeking, it is possible to find it if you persevere, and are willing to follow the protocols of your teacher, but it tends to be a lot harder to find than the other types of Tantra, and unfortunately easily confused with an entirely different form of Tantra with a similar name that I will describe next.

 

Dark Tantra is sometimes mistakenly called Black Tantra by those who are not aware that the term Black Tantra has already been taken. This alternative meaning refers to a fusion of a Tantric Sex and BDSM.  I believe this path has emerged in very recent times.My understanding is that “Dark Tantra” was “invented” here in Western culture, I believe by people who really had a very limited or perhaps no understanding of the original meaning of Dark or Black Tantra. Basically Dark Tantra seems to be a secular sexual practice that doesn’t have much to do with the spiritual practices of Tantra. I have heard some argue that there is a spiritual aspect to this Dark Tantra. I can imagine that this could be true for some individuals who are on a path of exploring their “shadow” or seeking to sink deeper into trust and surrender, but based on conversations I have had with people who claim to be exploring Dark Tantra, I believe that it is more often practiced as a form of self expression and sexual exploration than for the purpose of spiritual enlightenment.  

 

My Tantric Path is an eclectic one.  However, when it comes to what I teach it appears to fit most closely into the category of Pink Tantra. I do use some aspects of White Tantra, such as meditation and breath-work. I also introduce the teachings of Red Tantra, particularly to the couples who come to see me. However, most of my clients are either single or married to partners who do not support or participate in their practice of Tantra. This limits my ability to teach Red Tantra as it was intended. I am familiar with the concepts of sex magic, and have taught some workshops about how to use sex magic to manifest our desires; however, I do not consider myself to be an authority on the subject of Black Tantra. 

 

My modalities of choice are love and light which resonates well with the heart centered practice of Pink Tantra. If you would like to speak with me about incorporating Tantra into your life, either via a verbal life coaching session or a hands on healing Tantra session.

 

To Be Loved By A Man

To Be Loved By A Man

To Be Loved by a ManI know what it feels like to be loved by a man; a man whose heart is open wide to the spirit you are; a man who loves you, or in the moment feels as though he is deeply in love with you.

To be held in his arms; to feel his breath upon your chest, as he holds you in embrace, and caresses your heart into deep utter relaxation.

To be teased into bliss by the simplicity of his eyes melting into yours.

You never forget what it feels like to be held by a man; a man, not a boy, or a child, and not your father or your son. A man, who is so deeply in love with YOU!

His rich smell as his pheromones reach out to yours and tantalize your adrenaline into heaven.

A spark of simplicity, a whimper in your heart of relief, of satisfaction, of knowing you are woman, as you are received in his love, and accepted for being the Goddess you are!

What a gift you are receiving, in being loved by his depth, in knowing you ARE Goddess, and are powerful in your femininity; a divine being worthy of being loved.

What a gift he is receiving, in giving him the experience of loving you, in knowing he is capable of loving and valuable in being received.

 

 

To be loved by a man offers so many gifts; for the receiver and the giver. To be a woman, being loved by a man helps you to know you ARE alive, and you are worthy, are capable and acceptable in being a Woman; a wise woman, an innocent woman, a powerful woman, a vulnerable woman; that you are allowed to be YOU, and you are allowed to be Goddess. You have permission and you need not shut down your prowess, your sensuality or your love!

 

 

 

Some thoughts to consider:

 

 

1). What does it mean to be loved by a man to you?

 

 

2). As a man, what does it offer you to love a woman? And, what does it mean to you to love a woman, who truly receives your love?

 

 

3). As a woman, what gifts do you receive when you open your heart to receiving the love from your beloved man that is right there in front of you?

 

4). As a woman, how often do you allow yourself to be loved by your husband/boyfriend?

 

 

5). Are there times when you shut him out and choose not to be embraced by him?If Yes, what causes you to close down to the one you love the most? (What thoughts are going through your mind? Are you resigned, cynical, blaming, judgmental, or resentful? Do you feel unloved? Do you feel unaccepted? Do you feel threatened and not supported? Do you lack trust? Do you feel guilty or wrong? Do you feel betrayed? Are you angry? Do you want to forgive? Are you stressed and feel powerless? Are you afraid and want to feel safe?)

 

 

6). Are you a woman, married or partnered to a man, going through your own emotional crisis and don’t feel understood or accepted for who you are? Do you wish to be understood? If you felt safe and accepted, how would you go about explaining to your man what you are dealing with so he could be a team player to help you get through your current struggles?

 

 

7). Do you feel as though, you are accepted, but still can’t talk to him about your inner world? Are you afraid of being judged or that he will stop loving you? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you told him what you felt?

 

 

8). Are you a woman (or a man) who doesn’t like talking about feelings and wishes the problems or issues would just go away? Would you rather wish them away then deal with them? What are you afraid of that makes you want to run when it comes to feelings?

 

 

9). If you had it your way, how would you want your current relationship to look like, feel like and smell like? (What would your surroundings and environment be, how would your partner behave towards you, how would they treat you, how would you treat them, where would you live, and what would you have in your home, how would you get along with in-laws and friends in social outings?, etc.)

 

 

10). Are you the typical leader in your relationship and the first to bend to work out an argument, or are you the one who holds grudges and waits to see if, maybe, things will work out on their own? If you did become the leader, what would you do or say to your partner to help them open their heart to you again?

 

Bonus Question:

 

11). If you are not receiving the type of love that you really want, ask yourself, what is it that you want, and what in your relationship is missing, if you had it your way, you would want to be there?

 

If you’re a man reading this post, you are welcome to copy and paste this and print it out to give to your beloved woman. (You are also welcome to turn the questions around to address yourself as a man). If you are a woman, consider reading this and answering the questions for yourself. you may discover some things about yourself, your relationship, hidden desires, and you may get to experience what it is that is really important to YOU!