Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

How can you feel passionate and sexy when you’re sad? How can you open up to your sexuality when you are grieving a loved one who died, or a family member of yours is very ill or hurt? How can you feel sexual when you and a partner recently broke up?

Opening up to your sexual essence is nearly impossible when major life events show up. Even one of these events can take someone down a downward spiral for months, but all of them at once seems like a Tsunami of change and where something major is happening to teach one a lesson, or to help grow towards greater enlightenment. I am talking about my personal life, and using it to help others. One of my dearest and best friends passed away recently, and her viewing was in fact on my birthday this year. ¬†It blew me away to realize how someone so young could move on. Her health was suffering, and even though she was much younger than me, she struggled to get to the source of her pain. She had a history of trauma and I spent many years trying to help her. My lesson in my relationship with her, is the same lesson in the bigger picture of all of these events (marriage ending, her death and a loved one getting severely hurt). The lesson is, I can’t heal everyone! As much as I want to help people, and perhaps be their hero, I can’t help all. And, I deeply tried to help her, but she rejected me year after year. The more I tried, it seemed the more she pushed me away. It’s amazing that right before her heart stopped, weeks prior she finally reached out to me, and asked for guidance on her spiritual development. I waited for over 15 years for her to be interested. But then it was too late. At 33, she moved on, with a beating heart that stopped and her breath became silent. Perhaps it was too much for her to try to heal in her body, and her personality would not allow it. Now, she can heal on the spirit realm, and perhaps in a new body and a new life, she can heal this life.

The end of a relationship also takes a toll. It’s like a death unto itself. You have to interact with that person in a whole new way. ¬†Grieving someone that is still living is a challenge alone. You wonder why things couldn’t work out. You wonder why they refused to heal, or were unwilling to admit their own responsibility in their own choices. You wonder why they project all their anger and blame of things they did, onto you. You can question it over and over again, but mental illness sometimes cannot be figured out. And, when the other person chooses not to heal or get help, the only thing left is to grieve. Being their friend is a challenge, because you don’t know when and if they’ll try to blame you for their own feelings again. It was such a challenge in walking away this time, that I decided to write about it. And perhaps, write about the struggle. And, maybe it could help others who loved someone with a mental illness. It’s NOT your fault! It’s not my fault. My heart is as big as The Divine Mother! But knowledge and wisdom in how to deal with someone like this, helps to end the pattern of being pulled back in, when they put on a beautiful act of being nice again. I’ll consider writing more of the story of this. Perhaps it could be a short story. However, the lesson again, is “I cannot help so much that I sacrifice my life away!”

And to top it off, my father fell and hit his head! He had a concussion with delirium. He had memory loss, but only half the time. The status is, is that he’s getting better! I am deeply grateful he is getting better and I’ll find out more tomorrow how much better he is. But at the height of his fall, I was there. I visited him for multiple days, and spent 5 or 6 hours a day just sitting with him, waiting until he woke up, helping him eat, and talking and laughing. It was very healing to be with him in this way, and he would say often, “why are you crying? I’m ok!” But I didn’t feel like he was ok. I said, “But you’re different!” And he said, “But my heart is the same!” And I smiled and said, “you are right!” It’s amazing how alike we are, and how much we get along; 2 Aries and my whole life I had no idea how similar we are until now. I am grateful to still have more years and time to spend with him, and I will continue to grow in the acceptance and understanding, that I am NOT superwoman, and I cannot save and fix everyone, but a part of me, will still always try!

So, the point of this writing, Sex and Sadness….how can one be in touch with their sexuality when they are feeling sadness? Well, simply, they cannot! One has to go through the sadness, to get to the sexiness. Many people try to ignore their feelings, their sadness, their anger, or disappointment, etc and go straight to the sexual feelings. And, then they wonder why nothing sexual is happening! Well, the answer is right in front of you! You have to feel all of your feelings, the happy ones AND the sad ones in order to feel to juicy ones! Bad feelings don’t go away by ignoring them, then they only get suppressed deeper. The more you can feel your painful feelings, the more bliss and joy you can feel when they move through you and release out of your body! And, the body WILL tell you when painful feelings are there! It ALWAYS will, so you might as well go through them, and not try jumping over them! There is a much greater reward in the end when you do!

“Instead of getting on medication, for stresses, just FEEL your feelings! Then all that stress and heavy feelings just simply go away! But you have to feel deeply, and at your core, or it will only come back until you finally face yourself again!”

Protecting Your Sexy

Protecting Your Sexy


You know the sayings, “Sexy is as sexy does~” and “You are who you hang around!

Well, what do you do when all of the people you hang around or the person you sleep with (or are in a relationship with for that matter) is not letting you be your sexy and is holding you down?

How long do you let the people in your life hold you back? Do you keep hanging out with the same friends, or support them to help them open up to their potential? Do you stay in a relationship with a partner who has no sex drive and try to burst their bubble and open them up to you, or do you walk?

These are questions many contemplate. The people in your life are people you care about. You want to be happy with them. You want to grow with them. You don’t want to hurt them by walking away, or yourself from having to grieve them and start the whole dating process all over again. But, do you ever question, is STAYING worth it? And, am I really being my full authentic self with this person? Will he/she EVER truly get me? How long am I willing to sacrifice my passion, my identity, my purpose?

As a VERY sexy and passionate person myself, I have asked these questions MANY times, and in the past unsuccessfully left a relationship only to be sucked back into it again. I realize the power that was lost in the process; the giving away of my own power, my own identity, and as I stand here and reclaim my true self again, it is so liberating and freeing to detach from someone who sucks the life out of you; literally!!!

But what do you do, if they try to convince you “OH, I know you love me!!!” or “Oh, hunny, we’re meant to be together!” or “Baby, I need you!” “I’m nothing without you.” or worse, if they demand you stay with them, “You HAVE to be with me.” or perhaps if they do it secretly and unknowingly by manipulating your thoughts or beliefs and try to control you. How long will you let this continue going on? At some point, the manipulation HAS to stop, and the truth WILL set you free! YOU know you HAVE to walk, and no ounce of convincing will change your mind. You are ready, you are clear, and you set yourself free! This is a battle, I like to call, Protecting Your Sexy, because as time goes by, your sexiness elopes you when you stay, and when you detach, your sexiness flies!!! Only then do you see the truth, the cycle and can finally take a stand for yourself, protect your self, and walk away!

Some relationships just don’t work, and some people in our lives are meant to be with us for a certain period of time, and when they keep holding you back from your true self, you know, the time has come!

I am here now, Protecting my own sexy! Do you care to join me in the quest?

I’ve learned some great new tools the past few weeks in Tantra, and I am available, here and would love to see you!

Here’s to your sexiness, your passion, and your life!!! Cheers!!!

www.SexBlissLifeCoach.blogspot.com Asttarte Deva

Choosing a Passionate Life

The Benefits of an Arousing City
This past weekend I did my 3rd weekend of the ILP in New York City. I never felt so aroused just from going to a different location in my life. Being in the energy of the city awoke my energy to the vibration of who I really am and what I really want to feel. My passionate self is vibrant, expressive, open, playful and creative and being in New York I was re-awoken to this state of being. My shakti and kundalini energy got aroused to its natural state and who I became in the brief time while I was there, was truly excited about life. Not that I was not excited before, but being in New York brought my zest for life alive and it reminded me that it is definitely where I want to be.

The Costs of a Suppressed City
When coming home to Philadelphia again, I was reminded of the differences of the city, and there are many differences from NY to Philadelphia. The food in Philadelphia is fabulous, the music is unbelievable, the orchestra and parks are wonderful. However, the energy of the city itself is quite different. When I think of Philadelphia, I think of suppression, a heaviness, a weight of dissatisfaction, frustration and a large amount of people who appear to be miserable or for the most part uncomfortable being in their own bodies. People in Philadelphia can be cool, but it takes really getting past their armoring before they will let themselves open up. And, even that doesn’t always do it. Being reminded to breathe and let go in every moment isn’t easy when you are pressured to go to work, drive in traffic and then come home to your family. It’s no wonder people in Philadelphia are suppressed. There is a distinct energy that surrounds the entire city, and everyone who lives in or near it are affected. People can become bitter, angry, sad, depressed, hostile, disinterested in life, running to outlets to make themselves feel better and living a passion-less life.

Who You Are Is Where You Be
I am in Philadelphia, and my family is here and I am not in a position to relocate at the present moment. However, being in Philadelphia, in many aspects I become like what the energy it is we are surrounded by. You become who you hang around, and that even includes the vibration of the environment you are surrounded by. The vibration of Philadelphia is heavy, and I am an empath and intuitive. It would make my light body turn heavy, and my zest for life get dull. And, I am committed to living a powerful, juicy, and sexy life, and who I really am is someone who loves to be fully expressed.

It only reminds me of the openness in NY city and how much it feels like home to me.

After this past weekend, I making a committed effort to make myself available to do sessions regularly in NY city, having a *blast* at night, doing everything I can to make sure I get there every month, and keeping my energy as clear as possible while I am in Philly! And, then sharing who I am, and bringing it to NY, and coming home to Philly regularly, will allow that sexy New York energy to be flourished here. It could create a whole new world in our “City of Love”!

www.SexBlissLifeCoach.blogspot.com Asttarte Deva