Intimate Love with Your Partner

Intimate Love with Your Partner

Intimate love with Your PartnerMost people dream about being close to the person they love the most. They often wake up from dreams in the morning of their wife or husband that they are distant or separated from; just succumbing to the what’s so. Their heart aches to be close to them; even though their mind often tells them they don’t like this about them, or that, or that they’ll never agree or be able to compromise on anything. Couples often stay in the wishful thinking stage, or suppressing their truest hearts desires and just accepting that the relationship won’t get any better, when in fact, this is simply not true.

Perhaps you are blaming yourself for your relationship being distant, or you are blaming your partner, and put all your anger on him or her.  Perhaps you’ve given up on the relationship all together because you don’t know what’s possible, and you end up believing what you truly desire is not possible at all.

Many women stay in an unhappy relationship, not knowing how to change things, or their partner and wishing he will change. Many men don’t make an effort at all; even though they tell themselves they want to heal the relationship or be close to their wife, and go to a mistress, a sex parlor, an erotic salon, a sex surrogate, or an escort just to try to fill the void and lack of intimacy they are getting with the partner they really love. They make no effort to heal the root cause; nor try to heal their own issues so that his wife might fall back in love with him all over again.

But what men and women both crave deeper than anything in the world, is to feel a deep intimate connection with the person they love, that they married or are in a committed relationship with. People don’t want to have to go to other lovers, or temporary affairs to avoid the pain of the distance with their partner. What their heart craves more than anything, is to be held and caressed in the arms of their lover, their wife or husband and to know that the person they deeply love, cares for them, accepts them, and deeply desires them and loves them in return. It is a dream come true when their beloved can return their love to the man or woman they are the closest to, and fall in love all over again with the same person.

It is totally possible that you can fall in love again, with the same person, and in fact, fall in love with this same person over and over again! I can help you fall in love again, and remove the emotional pain, blocks, upsets and disappointments that have gotten in the way of the innocent freshness and intimate love you deserve!

Pink Tantra

A Thriving Relationship

A Thriving Relationship

The difference between a thriving relationship and sinking a rocky boatA Thriving Relationship

Being pro-active ~

Turning your relationship to amazing:

 
Impeccability

Being Responsible – & Being Willing to be Wrong

Trust

Integrity

Honesty

Vulnerability

Acknowledgment

Honoring Your Word

Surrender

Kindness

Consideration – Putting the Others Needs First

Respect

Selflessness – Giving without Receiving – Loving

Being Present

Listening

Patience

Flexibility

Speaking the Truth & Communicating

Being a Team, supporting each other even you you’re not around, your dreams, visions, goals and desires

Being lazy ~
Turning your relationship to sour:

 

Judgment

Expectations

Placing Blame

Holding Grudges

Trauma or Being Incomplete with your past

Anger or Resentment

Comparing

Lack of Acknowledgment

Taking for Granted/Assuming they will always be there

Not Appreciating

Being Lazy, Procrastinating or not Following Through on what you said

Needing to Be Right

Lack of Commitment – Doing Everything but spending time together

Selfishness – Only Considering how you feel, expecting to get what you want, getting your needs met and not the others

Attachment

Jealousy/Possessiveness

Manipulation

Keeping Secrets & Lack of Communication

Doing what you want, despite what the other person feels. ~ A Solo Team

It’s much easier to be lazy than to be pro-active, but if you want to keep your relationship, revitalize your intimacy and be filled with love, there are some things to consider.

Your Partners Needs vs Yours

Your Partners Needs vs Yours

Your Partners Needs vs YoursWhen we make our partners needs, and in particular their sexual needs, more important than our own, we lose ourselves in the pursuit in making them happy. We may think we are helping them and doing them a favor, however, they were not originally attracted to us because we gave up our power, passion, and drive for them. In essence, we lose our control, our life force and our value for living when we give in always to someone else’s needs.

When we let go of control, and surrender to someone else’s it does something to our spirit, our heart, our relationship with the other person, but also the relationship to ourselves and all the other relationships in our lives. We get lost in the mess of the relationship and become something; someone else. It’s like the expression “trying to fit a square peg into a round hole” and it never works!

It is important to honor someone else’s feelings, beliefs, opinions and needs, however, not at the expense of your own, and in particular not at the expense of one’s own life. Sometimes we can forget who we are, and forget ourselves during that drive to make someone else happy. However, if the other person, your partner, does not honor, value and hold your own feelings, needs, beliefs and opinions up high and shuns them, ignores them and just quietly smiles that he (or she) is getting everything they need and want and avoiding you, the relationship is not worth staying in.  In psychological terms, one might call that a Narcissistic Abusive Relationship, but on more common terms, the relationship is just not healthy, and definitely not balanced.

There MUST be balance for a relationship to work. There must be a healthy give and take, and if someone is getting something at the expense of the other person and incapable of seeing how they are hurting the other person, only doing their best to manipulate, coerce and control them, it is definitely a toxic relationship.

Sometimes people have to throw themselves into the fire over and over again until they finally learn their lesson, and finally learn that what they are doing to themselves might be harming them. I threw myself into the fire, and did it again and again, until I truly got the lesson. “My life is NOT about someone else; it is about myself, and no one can save you but yourself! My life is about living NOW; not next year; not next month and NOT in ten years. It is about today; for today is all we have!” And when we give up our passion to make someone else happy, and in particular to make sure they do not become unhappy or angry, it is definitely considered abusive! I am on clear alert that after all the power surged through me to stand up for myself, I am moving to the place of standing up for others as well. I claim the position to be a stand for all women and children to be protected and loved, and that men truly get the help they need when they need it, and for all to open their hearts to surrender to their truth and look inside for the answers!

Make your life your own, and on occasion hold someone else’s hand, (but not at the expense of yours)!

Boundaries in Intimacy – an article

Boundaries in Intimacy – an article

Lovers+Embrace

 

Boundaries in Intimacy are different with every person.

“Intimacy means being able to be fully present with yourself and another at the same time.” Staci Haines.

“Intimacy means being willing to experience conflict, and to use conflict to deepen your intimacy. It means risking trust with another at deeper and deeper levels over time.” Staci Haines.

Building Intimacy involves major components such as: Embodiment, consent, openness to emotions, healing through triggers, trust, self-forgiveness, authenticity, self-awareness, listening, presence with yourself and another, patience, time and acceptance with what is. Building Intimacy takes time and cannot happen immediately. It can take a few sessions before the level of trust grows strong enough to do an Intimacy Therapy Session. Building Intimacy Before Our First Session: emails & phone calls:

When emailing me, please tell me as specifically as possible what you are interested in, your intentions for our session, what your needs are, and your level of experience with Spirituality, Healing and Tantra. When you have questions about fees or sessions that are not clear to you on my website, it is always best to talk to me live.

Before meeting, I like to go over a few things that help us both to feel at ease with our initial connection. A questionnaire for new clients: This is not mandatory, however, it gives me an idea of your intention, experience, and openness to healing AND it gives you an idea of the value of our work together. If you are unclear about anything, it is always best to discuss it before we begin, and not during or after. However, if you need to wait for personal reasons, I will honor your feelings and need to do so.

Ways to Build Intimacy Are: Practice being with yourself and with another (your husband/wife/partner or alone) at the same time. Treat conflict and resistance as something that can build intimacy. Communicate openly and truthfully (to yourself and the other present) Practicing Self-Dignity: Communicate out of love and acceptance. If something comes up for you communicate by taking responsibility for your feelings and reactions. Communicate in a non-blaming attitude to give and receive more love. Understand if triggers and emotions come up for you, it is your process, and a temporary situation that will build to something beautiful. Build trust: I, as a Tantra Educator, like to take the first and second session to build trust in our relationship together as client and practitioner. Blessings to you on this beautiful journey of love, transformation and healing. Asttarte.

Boundaries with Your Significant Other and Choosing to Do A Tantra Session If you have boundaries with your partner, your wife, your husband or loved one and are unsure of the work we would do together in Session, please ask me all your questions before our Session or at the beginning of our time together! Nothing is ever done without your permission! Nothing is EVER done without an agreement between you as the client and I as the Practitioner! If you and your wife/husband or lover have an agreement to be exclusive, and don’t know what these Sessions entail, please ask to clarify any concerns you may have! If you are choosing the receive Tantra Healing without the Agreement with your husband/wife or partner, that is your choice! We will only explore avenues that will be of help to you! And, just to help you gain further comfort, any Session we do together will help you be a better lover with your partner, feel more at peace with your partner and be more of the lover they wish you to be. These Sessions are not meant for you to start a new Relationship with me. I have my own life, my own family, and I am only here as a Healer, Guide and Practitioner to you! I wish for you all the love you ever dreamed of! ~Namaste!~~~

When You’re In The Mood

When You’re In The Mood

When You're in the Mood

When You’re in the Mood and Your Hunny Isn’t

A story and some Coaching:

Upon waking in the morning, I was horny as a banshee. I looked over at my hunny and he was simply out cold! I was up and ready to go. Our son was sleeping in the bed beside us. Since we have a toddler, we often sneak out of the bedroom before he wakes and slip into another room to have a rendezvous in the morning, or a late hour snack. I tried comforting him to waking, but he still would not move. I cuddled him, carressed him, moved my body into his, leaned into his shoulder and put my face on his shoulder, breathing and making deep sounds… letting him know in my own way I was fully alert, awake and ready for some love making! My hips were rocking, I was breathing heavy and I tried taking his hand to lift him and walk him into the other room, but he did not budge.

What do you do when you’re excited to connect to your loved one and they are either not interested, not horny or are just completely exhausted?

In the past I would massage him and caress him for about a half an hour to wake him up and eventually he would, but this time, we were running out of time and doing all my tactics of convincing and seducing for a half an hour was not an option. And then, I went to set up the other space and when I came back he was cuddled up nicely next to our son and solid as a rock in this next place. Within a few minutes our son woke up, and that opportunity was lost.

I started grunting, and still wanted to escape to the other room; letting our son be alone for 5 to 10 minutes. It didn’t happen.

So, instead I decide to shift all that creative energy to getting ready in the morning, getting my son’s schoolbox ready and to make myself available for clients later. Thanksgiving is this week and we agreed we would sleep together Thanksgiving night and I would sacrifice a portion of my Friday morning to be with him, with the intention to sneak again somewhere we could be alone for a few minutes. Our schedules are conflicted with time to be alone, and with his new job, my role as a mother, and our son either being in school or with one of us, being alone isn’t always easy. So, I take advantage of those few opportunity’s we do have, and trust that eventually we will take another date night alone, and make some time for a couple hours of a rendezvous for ourselves!

The best way to deal with these kinds of situations is to 1). come from a place of non-attachment, 2) do not judge, 3). speak words of kindness, 4). accept your partners needs, wants and their concerns as well, 5). make a new promise or agreement for the future, and 6). take care of yourself today in the best way for you!

Asttarte

Pink Tantra

To Be Loved By A Man

To Be Loved By A Man

To Be Loved by a ManI know what it feels like to be loved by a man; a man whose heart is open wide to the spirit you are; a man who loves you, or in the moment feels as though he is deeply in love with you.

To be held in his arms; to feel his breath upon your chest, as he holds you in embrace, and caresses your heart into deep utter relaxation.

To be teased into bliss by the simplicity of his eyes melting into yours.

You never forget what it feels like to be held by a man; a man, not a boy, or a child, and not your father or your son. A man, who is so deeply in love with YOU!

His rich smell as his pheromones reach out to yours and tantalize your adrenaline into heaven.

A spark of simplicity, a whimper in your heart of relief, of satisfaction, of knowing you are woman, as you are received in his love, and accepted for being the Goddess you are!

What a gift you are receiving, in being loved by his depth, in knowing you ARE Goddess, and are powerful in your femininity; a divine being worthy of being loved.

What a gift he is receiving, in giving him the experience of loving you, in knowing he is capable of loving and valuable in being received.

 

 

To be loved by a man offers so many gifts; for the receiver and the giver. To be a woman, being loved by a man helps you to know you ARE alive, and you are worthy, are capable and acceptable in being a Woman; a wise woman, an innocent woman, a powerful woman, a vulnerable woman; that you are allowed to be YOU, and you are allowed to be Goddess. You have permission and you need not shut down your prowess, your sensuality or your love!

 

 

 

Some thoughts to consider:

 

 

1). What does it mean to be loved by a man to you?

 

 

2). As a man, what does it offer you to love a woman? And, what does it mean to you to love a woman, who truly receives your love?

 

 

3). As a woman, what gifts do you receive when you open your heart to receiving the love from your beloved man that is right there in front of you?

 

4). As a woman, how often do you allow yourself to be loved by your husband/boyfriend?

 

 

5). Are there times when you shut him out and choose not to be embraced by him?If Yes, what causes you to close down to the one you love the most? (What thoughts are going through your mind? Are you resigned, cynical, blaming, judgmental, or resentful? Do you feel unloved? Do you feel unaccepted? Do you feel threatened and not supported? Do you lack trust? Do you feel guilty or wrong? Do you feel betrayed? Are you angry? Do you want to forgive? Are you stressed and feel powerless? Are you afraid and want to feel safe?)

 

 

6). Are you a woman, married or partnered to a man, going through your own emotional crisis and don’t feel understood or accepted for who you are? Do you wish to be understood? If you felt safe and accepted, how would you go about explaining to your man what you are dealing with so he could be a team player to help you get through your current struggles?

 

 

7). Do you feel as though, you are accepted, but still can’t talk to him about your inner world? Are you afraid of being judged or that he will stop loving you? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you told him what you felt?

 

 

8). Are you a woman (or a man) who doesn’t like talking about feelings and wishes the problems or issues would just go away? Would you rather wish them away then deal with them? What are you afraid of that makes you want to run when it comes to feelings?

 

 

9). If you had it your way, how would you want your current relationship to look like, feel like and smell like? (What would your surroundings and environment be, how would your partner behave towards you, how would they treat you, how would you treat them, where would you live, and what would you have in your home, how would you get along with in-laws and friends in social outings?, etc.)

 

 

10). Are you the typical leader in your relationship and the first to bend to work out an argument, or are you the one who holds grudges and waits to see if, maybe, things will work out on their own? If you did become the leader, what would you do or say to your partner to help them open their heart to you again?

 

Bonus Question:

 

11). If you are not receiving the type of love that you really want, ask yourself, what is it that you want, and what in your relationship is missing, if you had it your way, you would want to be there?

 

If you’re a man reading this post, you are welcome to copy and paste this and print it out to give to your beloved woman. (You are also welcome to turn the questions around to address yourself as a man). If you are a woman, consider reading this and answering the questions for yourself. you may discover some things about yourself, your relationship, hidden desires, and you may get to experience what it is that is really important to YOU!

 

Let Drama Fade

Let Drama Fade

let drama fade

Let Drama Fade

Often times, when there is drama going on around you, with clients, friends or others, without knowing it, it can effect our marriage or significant relationship(s) and cause us to feel distant, in need to take space to be alone and cleanse ourselves from the interactions with others.

When speaking to those who are going through something intense, if they are dear to you and you care for them, the best thing you can do to help them sometimes is to pull back and walk away giving them time to process and heal in their own time. Sometimes we have to let friends or people we love go in order to continue in our own growth and progress, and to keep our marriages and relationships happy.

Every single person we interact with every single day, whether through texting, skype, the phone, email, instant messaging, Facebook, twitter, video chat or in person all effects us on some level. And how sensitive we are to their drama, to their pull on our energy or sadness at their distance will affect our most significant partnerships. It may show up as though the partnership is having difficulty, but in fact its something else. Not everyone has words to express these experiences. Some people choose to keep their outside experiences to themselves. Some partners choose to share everything. However, what you share or what you don’t share will bleed into the very important aspects of your life.

Give your friend or client, etc a break and without feeding into their need for your continued attention, just separate. Don’t respond. Let time pass. Let them heal, and in the process, take care of your own energetic needs. Keep your energetic space clean and be a leader in ending the drama; just don’t give into it. Perhaps they will reach out to you again later and realize what they were doing, perhaps they will never learn, or perhaps they will come back later and apologize.

When you take care of your relationships that are going on around you, you are also taking care of the relationship to yourself and to your most significant loved one(s).

Pink Tantra

The Man as Woman, the Woman as Man

The Man as Woman, the Woman as Man

imagesWhat do you do when the man is more like a woman and the woman is more like a man? Where does this come from? Is it a genetic mix up? Is it past lives?

When your man acts more like a woman; hyper sensitive (even more than you), and squirms at the tiniest little changes, or communication that might stir up his emotions, what do you do? Do you wonder, does he have a mental illness? Is he on hyper alert? Was he abused as a child, neglected, or is something else going on?

And, when you love him, how do you keep your center and your ground to support him through his hyper emotions?

One thing I would start with is to give him time. Give him space. Let him have his tantrum. Know it is not you. He is a very emotional guy and he needs a lot of time alone. He will work through this pout in his own time, and when he is ready he will show up again.

Are you willing to put up with his emotional tantrums, or would you rather walk away?

Sometimes you can get SO irritated from your man’s running away, or hyper alter sensitivity that you would MUCH rather have a guy who can hold you in your power; hold you in your love. And, perhaps you DO deserve that, but you can still choose to love those who also might not be as strong as you would prefer.

The benefits to a man being so sensitive:

He may actually understand when you are going through something that is NOT directed at him. He may be able to talk to you deeply about your process. He may be willing to be there for you to comfort you in times of your own sadness, or premenstrual process. He may truly get it when YOU yourself need space and be able to give that to you without taking it personally.

If you have to do all the work; all the compromising, all the accepting, forgiving, letting go, you may very well have good reason to walk away. And, what would be SO powerful and supportive for you is to have a group of friends to talk to, a support group, a Meetup Group to go to, a 12 Step Program perhaps (Al-Anon), a church Group, your family if you’re close to them, or a Counselor or Therapist to talk to. You want to talk to people who are going to be supportive to your goal, and not try to pull you away from what you want, but also people who are going to help you gain your power, hold you in your strength, offer a listening ear, and a compassionate voice.

Protecting Your Sexy

Protecting Your Sexy


You know the sayings, “Sexy is as sexy does~” and “You are who you hang around!

Well, what do you do when all of the people you hang around or the person you sleep with (or are in a relationship with for that matter) is not letting you be your sexy and is holding you down?

How long do you let the people in your life hold you back? Do you keep hanging out with the same friends, or support them to help them open up to their potential? Do you stay in a relationship with a partner who has no sex drive and try to burst their bubble and open them up to you, or do you walk?

These are questions many contemplate. The people in your life are people you care about. You want to be happy with them. You want to grow with them. You don’t want to hurt them by walking away, or yourself from having to grieve them and start the whole dating process all over again. But, do you ever question, is STAYING worth it? And, am I really being my full authentic self with this person? Will he/she EVER truly get me? How long am I willing to sacrifice my passion, my identity, my purpose?

As a VERY sexy and passionate person myself, I have asked these questions MANY times, and in the past unsuccessfully left a relationship only to be sucked back into it again. I realize the power that was lost in the process; the giving away of my own power, my own identity, and as I stand here and reclaim my true self again, it is so liberating and freeing to detach from someone who sucks the life out of you; literally!!!

But what do you do, if they try to convince you “OH, I know you love me!!!” or “Oh, hunny, we’re meant to be together!” or “Baby, I need you!” “I’m nothing without you.” or worse, if they demand you stay with them, “You HAVE to be with me.” or perhaps if they do it secretly and unknowingly by manipulating your thoughts or beliefs and try to control you. How long will you let this continue going on? At some point, the manipulation HAS to stop, and the truth WILL set you free! YOU know you HAVE to walk, and no ounce of convincing will change your mind. You are ready, you are clear, and you set yourself free! This is a battle, I like to call, Protecting Your Sexy, because as time goes by, your sexiness elopes you when you stay, and when you detach, your sexiness flies!!! Only then do you see the truth, the cycle and can finally take a stand for yourself, protect your self, and walk away!

Some relationships just don’t work, and some people in our lives are meant to be with us for a certain period of time, and when they keep holding you back from your true self, you know, the time has come!

I am here now, Protecting my own sexy! Do you care to join me in the quest?

I’ve learned some great new tools the past few weeks in Tantra, and I am available, here and would love to see you!

Here’s to your sexiness, your passion, and your life!!! Cheers!!!

www.SexBlissLifeCoach.blogspot.com Asttarte Deva