Slow Sex is Best

Slow Sex is Best

Sex, sex, sex! Everyone loves to talk about sex! But sex to one person may mean something completely different to someone else. To one person it may mean going out to dinner, having a few glasses of wine, and coming home to jump in the bed with their hunny. To another, it may mean to stay in, put everything on hold, and do it right there on the spot, spontaneously wherever they feel like it. And to another, it may mean slow foreplay, lots of intimate massage, then taking as long as possible before removing their external articles, and moving as slowly as possible after.

Most people, and in particular, most guys, think the faster the better, but that can’t be further from the truth. Guys, and women too, feel a peak of desire, and want to rush to feel some form of satisfaction. They crave the feeling of pleasure, get impatient and even become aggressive with their own body. They almost in a sense, are taking out that sense of impatience and anger on them-self, for having waited to be intimate, and don’t realize that the slower they go, they more healing, nurturing and joy they experience within. And, too, the slowness creates an energy flow, the chi, and taoist energy movement, that allows even an emotional connection to their body, feelings and experience to take place. Sometimes, the slower, the more sensual and the more emotional. Often, there is no healing without slowness, no emotional connection, no vulnerability, no sadness, and also no electric orgasm either.

There are many vibrators out on the market, and many of them, have a speed that is much too fast to allow the person to have a true tantric emotional connection or healing experience. These ‘toys’ are targeted more for people who are unable to orgasm without them, and all too often, they over-stimulate a woman, creating a somewhat dependence on the toys, and it sets the woman up for being unable to have any pleasure or release with her own partner (or herself for that matter). She then needs the toy after being with her partner, and then her husband, or boyfriend, etc. feels left out, unloved, not included in her pleasure, and it sets him up to feel failure as a lover; which is probably completely off base. She just trained herself to received pleasure from some foreign object, and can’t experience pleasure without it. Guys, it’s not your fault!

However, there is hope! Women can retrain themselves to slow down, and men can feel the satisfaction of connecting with his sweetheart and beloved deeply once again! First, I’d like to say, is that it IS possible. You first have to put the toy away. Hide it in a trunk, or the attic for a while. Try something different. Try slowing down, breathing, working with your own energy, your own breath, a gentle touch, and let your emotions come to the surface. It will create a spiral and circulating effect of self love, love for your partner, and a connection much deeper than two people experiencing a superficial orgasm at two separate times and in two different ways can ever do.

If two people in a relationship, are both desiring to be sexual, get close, but one is angry, another is frustrated, depressed, or experiencing anything other than love, fast sex often seems like the quick solution to connect and attempt to make all those feelings go away. But, those feelings don’t go away, without acknowledging them, truly feeling them, being with them, and loving them into disappearance.

Slow sex, and slow intimacy is the only way to truly acknowledge your partner, love him or her, and create a connection that is worth experiencing. Why rush when you can have so much more? 

 

Arousal as Energy Movement

Arousal as Energy Movement

Arousal as Energy MovementArousal as Energy Movement

What happens after a relationship ends, or you have taken an enormous amount of time to be alone? (The relationship might as well be over if that’s the case). And definitely the case if your partner had a fear of intimacy (See recent posts from other blog MyLoverMyBestFriend.wordpress.com for more writing on fear of intimacy).

What happens to your body after you’ve gone through the grieving and letting go process, and you’re ready to start dating again, or having an interest in connecting with others after all that time?

What usually happens, is your body will start telling you that you are ready. It will have desires with certain people you are attracted to, or give you sudden urges and nudges to push you to talk to someone. But what happens when you’re by yourself, and you are starting to finally open up again after all that time alone? Your body may have waves of energy movement, or jolts of sudden arousal. It may feel orgasmic, but then when you go to pleasure yourself, you may still feel certain blocks to experience a full body experience of arousal, i.e.. orgasm.

The arousal is your bodies way of telling you that you have gotten through most of the grieving process of your ex lover (husband, wife, etc) and it has achieved a level of balance, equilibrium and harmony of energy and wants to move to a higher place of joy. You completed the cycle of sadness, solitude and aloneness after the hard core break up. You took the time you needed to rest, recover, release anxiety, stress and sadness from your previous beloved, and now your body has awaken, and it wants to wake you up to match how it feels.

It can happen anywhere; your kitchen while you are cooking a meal, your car while singing to a song you love, cleaning your home, reading, talking to a friend, or even meditating or taking a bath. When your body is ready to open to a higher level of pleasure, it doesn’t matter what you are doing or who you are with. It will move and rise within you no matter what!

If you talking to a friend in person or over the phone and you definitely don’t want that friendship to turn into something different, be careful! You may want to hang up the phone or leave the current situation to allow your body to experience how it’s feeling. Otherwise, that friendship might just turn romantic pretty quickly!

If you want the friendship to turn into something else, and your friend had been waiting for you to be ready and open, awesome! Or, you are neutral and don’t care if this person will remain your friend or turn into something else, that may be time to have a discussion. However, if you have the discussion on the spot, changes will happen almost dramatically! A more rational stand would be to walk away, take care of yourself, and then talk to your friend later after the feeling of sexual arousal and frustration has calmed down.

I’ve discovered a practice called the Deer Exercise for women and men in my recent search on this topic. This is a taoist energy practice to help move and awaken someone who has been suppressed or shut down for a long time. If you are no longer suppressed and feel the energy already excited, this practice may actually just balance you and help release some of the pent up sexual frustration, and perhaps help you relieve the sexual frustration a little easier. However, I find the Shamanic Breathwork and Tantra Meditations to be more powerful. Whatever you choose is your choice, and your body will let you know what is best!

Feel free to give the Deer Exercise a try. Who knows it might help! If anything it will help keep your energies open and your body in overall health and vitality! Enjoy!

For women:

For men and women:

Edgy love Secrets Revealed

Edgy Love Secrets Revealed******Edgy Love Secrets Revealed****

 

 

Dear friend,

 

Really! Another bulk email like this? Yes, it’s called a summit. There are a group of amazing professional practitioners, Sex Coaches, Tantricas, Relationship experts, Healers, Authors, Speakers, and others on the group. And you’re getting an opportunity to listen to them all for free!!!

 

This is what my interview video will be about (aired Sunday):

Intuitive Tantra Energy Awareness

How do you raise your own energy awareness when it comes to your sexuality?

How is sexuality and Tantra related and how do they help each other?

If someone’s energy is low, and their sexual energy is lacking, how can one clear or transform it?

How can Intuitive Tantra help someone heal?

What if you’re single, a parent or in a unique relationship status situation, can Tantra still help?

What’s intuition got to do with sex anyway?

How can Tantra help ones overall health?

One extra if there’s time, and (why is their so much confusion about Tantra in our culture?)

 

If you listen to them, you’ll be helping me out, you’ll get some amazing content and build our network. how many of these do you want me to watch and listen to? As many as you can or want to.

 

I have a couple answers for this question?

 

1) Yes, this is the season for Love and sizzling sex and it seems more and more people are crying out for guidance on how to attract it, keep it, and flourish in their relationships; 

 

and

 

2) I want you to listen to as many of these totally free summits as it takes to get you out of whatever pain and disappointment you may have about past or present relationships…

 

…and to experience Deep Lasting Love inspired by unconventional, authentic, fulfilling, trusting relationships with ravishing sex through unbridled self expression that brings more joy and passion into your life with all those you connect with than ever before.

 

This means when a chance to participate and tell you about an amazing group of authors, teachers, and inspirational transformation experts comes around—I am going to tell you…

 

…. and with the enthusiasm of somebody winning the lottery!

 

I want you to be excited and orgasmic too.

 

How extraordinary would it be to attract and keep partner(s) and/or playmates with deep lasting Love and beyond imaginable ravishing sex?

 

MIND BLOWING, right?!

 

But instead of this spectacular loving experience, perhaps this is or has been you….

 

…or maybe this is someone you know and care about…

 

This person is lonely, depressed, cynical, disappointed, hurt, intimidated, desperate, apathetic, and resigned when it comes to attracting the partner(s) of their dreams.

 

Love and trust is lost with no light at the end of the tunnel.

 

We are screaming at the top of our lungs…. DO NOT SETTLE OR GIVE UP!!! You deserve to share yourself with someone exquisitely special!

 

There is a recipe for attracting fulfilling and trusting relationships into your life.

 

You can and will create deep lasting Love, joy, and acceptance with a breathtaking companion and/or playmates of your fantasies.

 

You can have heart connected, powerful, and scrumptious edgy spiritual sex with each other!

 

The amazing line-up in the Edgy Love Secrets Revealed Summit are sharing their Edgy Love Secrets to help people across the world bring true Love, sex, compatibility, and fulfillment into their lives.

 

————> Register now for Edgy Love Secrets Revealed Video Summit Live

 

I will be interviewed along with 24 other experts on this upcoming video summit, Edgy Love Secrets Revealed: Discover How to Create Unconventional, Authentic, Fulfilling, Trusting Relationships with Ravishing Sex through Unbridled Self Expression!

 

I am blessed to be among many of the top experts on: attracting your dream partner(s), relationship communication, connected edgy sex, tantra, and alternative diverse relationships.

 

I am excited about this summit because it’s a very special line-up of experts that do not come together often.

 

This is ALSO NOT your typical Summit. The content is edgy.  It will challenge how you to look at a number of things differently than you might do now. Some you will love. Some you might question. Some of the content might seriously push your boundaries.

 

You will absolutely hear and learn new things, and that is worth the price of admission—which is only your time and your willingness to learn and grow and discover ways to bring more joy and excitement into your life, and keep it there. The dollar cost is zero.

 

This invigorating, diverse and unique summit will give you the keys to take action and attract and keep the partner(s) of your dreams!

 

WOW, is that evocative or what?

 

————> Register now for Edgy Love Secrets Revealed Video Summit

 

Many people have a story about why love and sex doesn’t work in their lives. The fabulous news is this summit is about being empowered to write your own love story with your ideal companion(s). All 25 speakers have been handpicked as the top experts by Dr. Rusty so that you can have the love(s) of your life!

 

Jump in NOW! There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain! You deserve the best!

 

————> Register now for Edgy Love Secrets Revealed Video Summit  

 

I’m inviting you as my guest to experience this juicy summit for yourself and attract authentic Love and partnership.

 

Isn’t it time to wake up in the morning, glance over at the most amazing person you have ever experienced and gush with Love and appreciation….

…Only to discover in that same moment they are looking at you and feeling exactly the same way! BREATHE!

 

IT’S TOTALLY POSSIBLE!

 

Click here to register for Edgy Love Secrets Revealed Video Summit and bid a final farewell to living without a special companion, best friend, and scorching lover(s)!

 

Gratitude, Love, and Light,

 

Asttarte Deva

 

P.S. Sign up now and get free gifts and/or spectacular one time offers from myself and the experts! Each day you will receive a new link to the different speaker interviews. Remember it’s all FR&E!

Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

How can you feel passionate and sexy when you’re sad? How can you open up to your sexuality when you are grieving a loved one who died, or a family member of yours is very ill or hurt? How can you feel sexual when you and a partner recently broke up?

Opening up to your sexual essence is nearly impossible when major life events show up. Even one of these events can take someone down a downward spiral for months, but all of them at once seems like a Tsunami of change and where something major is happening to teach one a lesson, or to help grow towards greater enlightenment. I am talking about my personal life, and using it to help others. One of my dearest and best friends passed away recently, and her viewing was in fact on my birthday this year.  It blew me away to realize how someone so young could move on. Her health was suffering, and even though she was much younger than me, she struggled to get to the source of her pain. She had a history of trauma and I spent many years trying to help her. My lesson in my relationship with her, is the same lesson in the bigger picture of all of these events (marriage ending, her death and a loved one getting severely hurt). The lesson is, I can’t heal everyone! As much as I want to help people, and perhaps be their hero, I can’t help all. And, I deeply tried to help her, but she rejected me year after year. The more I tried, it seemed the more she pushed me away. It’s amazing that right before her heart stopped, weeks prior she finally reached out to me, and asked for guidance on her spiritual development. I waited for over 15 years for her to be interested. But then it was too late. At 33, she moved on, with a beating heart that stopped and her breath became silent. Perhaps it was too much for her to try to heal in her body, and her personality would not allow it. Now, she can heal on the spirit realm, and perhaps in a new body and a new life, she can heal this life.

The end of a relationship also takes a toll. It’s like a death unto itself. You have to interact with that person in a whole new way.  Grieving someone that is still living is a challenge alone. You wonder why things couldn’t work out. You wonder why they refused to heal, or were unwilling to admit their own responsibility in their own choices. You wonder why they project all their anger and blame of things they did, onto you. You can question it over and over again, but mental illness sometimes cannot be figured out. And, when the other person chooses not to heal or get help, the only thing left is to grieve. Being their friend is a challenge, because you don’t know when and if they’ll try to blame you for their own feelings again. It was such a challenge in walking away this time, that I decided to write about it. And perhaps, write about the struggle. And, maybe it could help others who loved someone with a mental illness. It’s NOT your fault! It’s not my fault. My heart is as big as The Divine Mother! But knowledge and wisdom in how to deal with someone like this, helps to end the pattern of being pulled back in, when they put on a beautiful act of being nice again. I’ll consider writing more of the story of this. Perhaps it could be a short story. However, the lesson again, is “I cannot help so much that I sacrifice my life away!”

And to top it off, my father fell and hit his head! He had a concussion with delirium. He had memory loss, but only half the time. The status is, is that he’s getting better! I am deeply grateful he is getting better and I’ll find out more tomorrow how much better he is. But at the height of his fall, I was there. I visited him for multiple days, and spent 5 or 6 hours a day just sitting with him, waiting until he woke up, helping him eat, and talking and laughing. It was very healing to be with him in this way, and he would say often, “why are you crying? I’m ok!” But I didn’t feel like he was ok. I said, “But you’re different!” And he said, “But my heart is the same!” And I smiled and said, “you are right!” It’s amazing how alike we are, and how much we get along; 2 Aries and my whole life I had no idea how similar we are until now. I am grateful to still have more years and time to spend with him, and I will continue to grow in the acceptance and understanding, that I am NOT superwoman, and I cannot save and fix everyone, but a part of me, will still always try!

So, the point of this writing, Sex and Sadness….how can one be in touch with their sexuality when they are feeling sadness? Well, simply, they cannot! One has to go through the sadness, to get to the sexiness. Many people try to ignore their feelings, their sadness, their anger, or disappointment, etc and go straight to the sexual feelings. And, then they wonder why nothing sexual is happening! Well, the answer is right in front of you! You have to feel all of your feelings, the happy ones AND the sad ones in order to feel to juicy ones! Bad feelings don’t go away by ignoring them, then they only get suppressed deeper. The more you can feel your painful feelings, the more bliss and joy you can feel when they move through you and release out of your body! And, the body WILL tell you when painful feelings are there! It ALWAYS will, so you might as well go through them, and not try jumping over them! There is a much greater reward in the end when you do!

“Instead of getting on medication, for stresses, just FEEL your feelings! Then all that stress and heavy feelings just simply go away! But you have to feel deeply, and at your core, or it will only come back until you finally face yourself again!”

Fearless Relating Weekend Intensive

Fearless Relating Weekend Intensive

 

I’m so excite to have these amazing two individuals leading this weekends event. My dear old friend Reid Mihalko is leading and amazing Monique Darling! I am inspired to share this with all of you! If you are in the Philadelphia, and want an exciting weekend, this is it!!!

Are you on Facebook? You can see all the details here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1567572803458841/

If you can’t get to Facebook, this is the content here:

Come join us in Philadelphia as two top teachers in the fields of sexuality, vulnerability, and self-acceptance weave their diverse perspectives into a weekend retreat like you have never experienced before.

Enigmatic comedian Reid Mihalko will show you ways to simplify your life, lessen emotional paperwork, and face your fears with humor and confidence.

Monique Darling, mistress of the weave, Goddess of self acceptance, will open you to an immense playground of possibilities you had not dared to consider. And will bring together the juiciest morsels of various teachers to help you internalize the lessons to your depths, and to help you find the greatest love of your life. Yourself.

Come and benefit from the blending of their unique experiences, approaches, and insights regarding skillful communication to get to your no without fear to uncover your yes, releasing your armor and becoming more vulnerable to discover an inner strength you did not know you have, and the ability to laugh in the face of your greatest fears.

———-
Are you ready to take an intensive weekend of FEARLESS RELATING with two of the most dynamic relationship geeks on the planet today? Come blow your mind and open your heart with vulnerability diva Monique Darling, and sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko.

If you could have anything, do anything, what would you choose? What do you really want? What is keeping you from having it? Is someone else better qualified? better looking? more financially stable? Do you have “problems”? What if every limit you have, every chain that binds you, is only there because you believe it is? What if the limits disappear, the chains dissolve?. Your life is alive with an abundance of possibilities, opportunities, and potential all you have to do is be willing to say “yes”.

So much of the fear and hesitation in life comes not from the self, but from fretting about what others may think,or what they will say or whom they might share it with afterwards rather than being able to enjoy the moment. Another set of fears come from passed-down beliefs that we accept without questioning them.

What if you could make decisions and follow your heart…follow your body and your desires without worrying about what others thought? What if you were fearless in relating – first, to yourself and then, to others?

We all have feelings of ferocity and tenderness, but we must feel safe in order to be vulnerable and intimate with another. Part of that safety is being confident in our own ability to say ‘NO’ and take a stand for our boundaries. Only then can we play in the realm of our true ‘HELL YES!’

Come join us for a unique weekend of exploration around such topics as:
*How do we establish boundaries and create safe space for ourselves to explore with others?
*Shifting paradigms from blame, shame, guilt & judgement, to love, acceptance, understanding and presence.
*Factors that promote or inhibit intimacy:
*The power of no and boundary (understand why your “no” says more about you than your “yes”)

In this workshop you will learn, play, and practice:
To ask for what you want, skillfully, without attachment to the response.
To honor, respect, and be grateful for the answer “no”, and still be hopeful for the answer “yes”.
To be honest and vulnerable about your wants and desires without shame, without deflection, without armor.
To hold space for someone who has not yet learned these skills.
To own your fears, instead of them owning you.
To not be afraid to be the one who loves the most
To learn to be even more vulnerable when you want to isolate or close down.
Release shame and haunting memories
Modalities of communication: verbal and non verbal

You will gain tools and leave with the ability to relate with everyone in your life with more ease, grace, and blissful contentment from your own center.

Sign up for the Love Exchange $397
Save even more by signing up before
April 1 (and that’s no joke) where you get the entire experience for only $347
Or be one of the first 3 to sign up and get all 3 days for $299
RSVP HERE: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/fearless-relating-weekend-intensive-with-reid-mihalko-monique-darling-tickets-15067732995
Are you confused about dating, mating, and relating in the 21st Century?
Dating, marriage and the reasons we stay in relationships have changed a lot since the days of our great grandparents.
Join us for this humorous, frank and informative, intensive workshop where sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko boils down over 150,000 conversations he’s had about sex and relationships and walks us through his best thinking and advice on making sex, dating, relationships and mating work!
Participants will leave this interactive workshop experience discovering:
• Tools to determine if someone is a good or horrible fit for you…
• Communication Skills to ask for what they want and how to avoid past relationship mistakes…
• A few of Reid’s and Monique’s “black belt” relationship tips and tricks!

Then, let Monique Darling, Consent Geek Extraordinaire, lead you through all of the tools, tips, tricks and how to uplevel the questions you are asking yourself and others to truly be able to find and live from your own “Hell Yes”!! Monique has been leading Cuddle Parties (just facilitated her 346th)all over the country, which are 3 1/2 hours of practicing this concept.

How amazing would it be to live life offering every “no” without apology and every “yes” without being ashamed? Learn that it really isn’t about anyone else, it’s about tuning in and taking care of you, and then you can relate with ease and joy with others, wherever they are at.

Learning better sexual technique will boost your sexual self-confidence, raise your self-esteem, and make you more confident and competent in sex and love! Being THAT kind of person is attractive in AND out of the bedroom! Part of the weekend will cover how to increase your sexual self-confidence ten-fold and start becoming a more attractive, self-expressed and fearless person in all your relationships!

Through no nudity, interactive, hilariously “edutaining” demonstrations, you will learn:
• How to use fantasy to turbo-charge a lover’s orgasm…
• How to listen to your partner’s body in bed…
• How to create your own “sexual positions decoder ring” so you naturally “think” about lovemaking in an exciting, Kama Sutra way!
•How to slow down sexual experience for greater pleasure
learning to STOP judging ourselves and our partners
•Understanding how to expand our own sexual energy and our PLEASURE Body
•Opening to Full Body Energy Orgasms
•The different stories you and others are telling about your sexual identity
•Developing Emotional and Sexual Safety for Intimacy
• 5 tips that will give you oral sex super powers!
• 3 Powerful Perspectives that will help you understand pleasure and orgasm, and how to give and receive both!
• 3 ways to use your hands sexually that will drive your partner wild AND leave you feeling more confident as a lover!
• 2 BIG differences between penises and vulvas, and 1 thing that’s the same that will make you 10-times better in bed…
• And still more!

If you ever begin to understand who you are, you could not possibly ever compare yourself to another, to envy, wish to impress, to BE different than you are. For in the beauty, wonder, and awe at discovering how magnificent “your” puzzle pieces fit together, at the ever changing infinite ways YOU shift, dance, I Need Your Love – Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Insteadeave together, each one so unique, so extraordinary, it would take an entire lifetime to only just begin to discover. Yet so often we abandon the quest of self discovery, to follow another, or to invest in relationships, doing what we have been told is the “right” way to be. The greatest freedom that we could ever express or imagine, is by simply giving ourselves permission to gently keep returning to us and we can transform the world by simply being 100% ourselves.

Come with an open heart and a willingness, a longing, to bring your stories into the light, so that they can stop you running away from your shadow.

There will be times, over the weekend, when the atmosphere will be sensual and energetically sexual. All activities and exercises will be guided and are always optional. You can participate in the workshop solo, with a partner and in small groups. All participants are asked to practice with each other, or by oneself, in whatever manner supports you best. Many options will be offered to support each individual experience.

set your sights on registering for this breakthrough weekend, and get a two for the price of one deal by paying only what it ordinarily costs to learn from just one of these facilitators.

So say ‘HELL YES’ to discovering ‘YOU’

Sign up for the Love Exchange $397
Save even more by signing up before
April 1 where you get the entire experience for only $347
Or be one of the first 3 to sign up and get all 3 days for $299

This weekend also includes an exclusive and optional Sat night play party!! Details when you sign up….
Please RSVP online as we often sell out!
REGISTER HERE: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/fearless-relating-weekend-intensive-with-reid-mihalko-monique-darling-tickets-15067732995
“Helped me to understand what it means to live orgasmically.” Janice

“Nothing has been the same since. I learned about my energetic self and others. Fear has passed away in my life and been replaced by curiosity” Alyson

Also please join Reid and Monique Darling for a full 5 days of classes in the PA area including a cuddle Party and Fearless Relating Weekend

Wednesday, Apr 22, 2015 at 7:00 PM – 10:00 PM : Official Cuddle Party by Reid Mihalko, Edie Weinstein, and Monique Darling : https://www.facebook.com/events/824927364216805/

Thursday, Apr 23, 2015 at 7:00 PM – 10:30 PM : Fearless Relating Panel, Speed Flirting, and Vulnerability Circle : https://www.facebook.com/events/419253751573248/

Friday, Apr 24, 2015 at 7:30 PM – Sunday, Apr 26, 2015 at 5:00 PM : Fearless Relating Weekend Intensive With Reid Mihalko & Monique Darling : https://www.facebook.com/events/1525435177738664/

Monday, Apr 27, 2015 at 6:30 PM – 10:30 PM : Rough Sex for Nice Folks with Reid Mihalko : https://www.facebook.com/events/1433050833655808/
ABOUT YOUR FACILITATORS:

Sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps adults create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health in their relationships and sex lives using an inspiring mixture of humor and knowledge. Reid’s workshops and college lectures have been attended by close to 40,000 men and women. He has appeared in media such as Oprah’s Our America With Lisa Ling on OWN, the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Dr. Phil’s The Doctors on CBS, Bravo’s Miss Advised, Fox News, in Newsweek, Seventeen, GQ, The Washington Post, and in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Monique Darling, San Diego, CA, Authenticity, Vulnerability and Relationship coach is the founder of Juicy Enlightenment which provides workshops and experiential play-shops in the art of Tantra and conscious loving. She has studied and taught with renowned Tantra teachers and extraordinary workshop facilitators since 1990 and is a certified Cuddly Party Facilitator. She has been featured on TLC and The Dr’s and has been interviewed by magazines across the USA. Monique is dedicated to empowering others utilizing her vast repertoire of cutting-edge teachings. She specializes is helping others reclaim their power and natural sensuality by transmuting fear and repression into courage, self-love and freedom. She guides from a place of understanding and her natural exuberance is infectious! She is available for private sessions, experiential workshops and Cuddle Parties. www.juicyenlightenment.com
She is devoted to helping YOU uncover your magnificence!!! To empower YOU, who dream of something more, to awaken further and discover it is within you. You have all the answers, let her help you remember the questions.

Sexual Frustration and open marriage

Sexual Frustration and open marriage

sexual frustration and open marriageSexual Frustration and Open Marriage

There’s an extroadinary amount of marriages and couples that stay together for the security, rather than the desire and love of it.  Couples have children, they build a foundation of what’s comfortable. They love each other, but the passion, spontaneity, openness to each other, and playful sex almost disappears. Where does this passion and desire for intimacy go? And what do they do about it? Sexual frustration often gets transferred into taking care of the child/children, work, career, and time to just simply rest.

When marriages have lost their zest and they have a love for one another, this can often lead to dependency on the other. A fear of looking outside the marriage shows up out of fear of breaking the security they have developed, the security for the children and the harmony and emotional balance of all involved. However, when YOU have NOT had your sexual needs met, in weeks, months or years waiting around for the security of your husband or wife is truly wasted energy. I can understand you might not want to risk the family bonds, the close knit family gatherings, and the fun you all have together for the sake of the children, but there comes a point when sexual frustration has taken over, and your sexual self expression is completely missing and void that your entire life force has dwindled away.

What do you do to take care of your personal needs when they show up? Do you have an affair? Do you secretly date someone new, keeping lies between both the new person and your husband/wife? Or, do you have the straight conversation with your family and husband/wife and talk to them about what is missing for you, what you want to create, and the fears, concerns, and pain it may cause for each other?

The only way to solve issues between a partnership is to straight up talk about it. However, not everyone is comfortable talking that boldly, and not everyone is willing to take the risk. Are you willing to risk your sexual pleasure, vitality, life force for the sake of keeping something solid when you are not happy? Or, is having honest communication something that you might be willing and open to having? Despite all the criticism, complaints, concerns and fears the other person may have, can you be able to listen to them, hold the space for them, and be loving despite everything they might feel out of your honesty?

You might be surprised. You might get your needs met, and you just might be able to have it all. Isn’t it worth the risk?

For those I love, friends, clients and myself, I say YES!sexual frustration and open marriage

Sex and Being Upset

Sex and Being UpsetWhen you are carrying upset in your heart, be it sadness, making someone wrong, holding resentment, judgment or anger, sexual energy may be missing and at most, going into the act of sex will be for the wrong reasons.

The idea of sex is a very personal matter, and when there is any upset at the person you hold the most dear to your heart, it makes sense that the sexual drive may be lacking or absent all together.  Is it more important to you to have sex, or is it more important to you to be connected to the person you love? What I mean is, do you find yourself driven by the desire of sex more than the drive to have love in your heart with the person dearest to you?

Perhaps the person dearest to you, you have given up on, or perhaps you have been resigned about something you are upset about and have decided not to deal with it, talk about it or confront it with the person. When I say “Being Upset”, I mean simply being upset. Not everyone is willing to admit that they are just simply upset with the person they love. They might find it more appealing to focus instead on sex, or focus instead on another person, or another activity. But when it comes down to it and after much time has passed, the reality is you may be upset with someone. Maybe you left the relationship all-together and are even trying to date someone new, but don’t even know why you are 1. either not attracting anyone new in your life, or 2. are not feeling fulfilled by the new person, or 3. have no sexual drive with the new person at all. Consider that you just may be upset with the person you were previously with, and on many levels still love them very much!

If you are still open to the person you deeply love, cheers to you for realizing your love, and being committed to waiting until the time is right to work out your differences.  Not everyone is willing to wait to work things out. Many people often give deadlines and say, “I will give you 6 months,” or “I will give you 1 year to x,” or “If this doesn’t work out by the end of this year or next year xxx….” and what you have is an ultimatum, and ultimately a heart that is blocked and shut down, and incompletion with a solution with the exact person you love the most!

When your heart is shut down from the person you love the most, do you still have sex with them? What is your sex like? Does it satisfy and fulfill you? Or do you feel something is missing and an emptiness?

No one is perfect, and upset happens. You are a human being. We all have upsets. They come and go and then you work it out.  But when you don’t work it out, what do you do? How do you deal with your upsets with the person you love the most? Do you avoid them, walk away and try to resolve it on your own? Do you talk to your friends for advice? Do you shut out the world and pretend it didn’t happen?

And when there is something missing with the person you love the most, do you know that you are actually just holding onto something, and upset with them?

Sometimes the act of forgiveness, love, and letting go of something that happened or how you are feeling about someone close to you is harder than many people know. Deciding to forgive someone, and telling yourself you forgive them, is not nearly the same as truly dealing with your feelings, unraveling them as far as they need to go, and then knowing 100% for sure you have forgiven them is a completely different thing! Admitting to yourself that you are upset, your feelings are hurt and telling the real truth to the person you love, is the first step in truly forgiving them, and when you can do that, you just might start to unravel your feelings and open up your heart again! And if your heart is open, doesn’t it only make sense that your sexual drive returns, your passion and your state of peace and satisfaction? 🙂

It is a true gift! And, sometimes we need an outside person to kick us in the head and open our eyes! And then, all the rewards show up!

Namaste,

Asttarte